Who am I? Why am I here???

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I see how God has prepared me for my life, and want to share with others my story so they too can raise the cups that God has given them and say, "Only by your grace, Lord, will I finish this race."

Friday, August 20, 2010

My trembling hand to lift my cup...


"For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,"
declares the LORD.

"As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts. Isaiah 5:8-9

There are times where happiness brings me great despair because I want to grasp that feeling and hold tight to it...have it always accessible,and never feel like I don't remember what it feels like. But the truth is, many days I don't just stumble upon a dance floor...I have to BUILD the dance floor. And many days, I don't just feel happy,I have to CREATE the joy within myself. More often than not, I don't want the day to begin, I want a tranquil sleep that will last until I'm no longer tired. Lately I have found my life to be exhausting.

I have found myself completely dissatisfied with the cup the Lord has given me. I want fun, I want the party, I want life without burdens. Because of this, any complication that arises feels more like a jagged sword than ever. What maybe used to "give me a twinge" now feels like an open wound.

A friend gave me this verse to meditate on, Isaiah 55: 8-9. I love it, and yet, it's frustrating. I had built my house firmly on the foundation of God, and how God had THIS as part of His plan. But, it's so hard. And, just when I feel the glance of the sun on my shoulders the sand comes piling back down into the hole that I am trying desperately to climb out of. So, why can't God want even a little bit of what I want? Why can't He say, "Wow, this kid deserves a break."?

When we were little, we would sit up in Webster, WI and watch the sunlight dance on the crests of the waves on Owl Lake. We called it "diamonds on the lake." If you squinted your eyes, you could make them dance. Well, when I was in 9th grade, and about to be confirmed in my church, my mom wrote me a letter and I specifically remember it, on pink legal paper, she wrote, "Life won't always be diamonds on the lake." I wonder if she knew how those words would stick with me? There are so many days that I try to squint and see some diamonds dancing on the water...but when the sun isn't shining, it's hard to find the diamonds.

So, I know that I haven't had many entries in my blog yet, and already I'm running into a difficult situation--trying to find the strength to raise my cup and say "Cheers" to God...but I know, in faith that there will be a day that my strength will return and there will be a day when the diamonds will dance, and there will be a day when my heart is bursting with not just joy, but also HAPPINESS...and so, in faith I take my trembling hand and lift my cup...

To you, God, I say, "Cheers."

Monday, August 9, 2010

God's Masterpiece

I'm participating in a Bible story on the first 6 Chapters of Genesis. I'm learning all about the Creation, and how my belief in the Creation can either support or dismiss all other things that I have learned. It's been humbling and awe-inspiring-of course, when confronted with the God who made the Heavens and the Earth--who wouldn't want to fall to her knees?

This in-depth study has taken me deeper into the question--WHY WAGR SYNDROME? WHY MY DAUGHTER? God, what were you thinking when you made her, and why did you think I could handle this?

Here is His Response...

God's Masterpiece

God was knitting, knitting, knitting...
Knit, one, pearl, two...
Without sitting--just knitting, knitting...
Spinning strands of stars and light out to the Heavens through out the night.

God was knitting, knitting, knitting...
Angels saw Him drop the stitch...
"Wait!" they shouted, as it was fitting,
To show Him that He'd lost His sight; strands of DNA spun out through the night.

God was turning, turning, turning...
Folding over strand on strand...
"Don't you see this?" He asked the angels...
"This is art within My hands; a masterpiece before us stands..."

"The World is watching, waiting, waiting...
Waiting for My Son's return...
What they are missing while they're waiting,
Is all the beauty that We've made, while they are waiting to be saved."

"But, Father won't this dropped stitch hurt them?
Won't they miss the World they knew?
Cancer, blindness, pain that burns them,
Father, spare these Children, please,we ask you on our bended knees!"

God continued, nodding, nodding...
As He laced the woven threads...
Tracing Masterpiece and nodding...
"It is finished," He said with triumph, as the angels stood in defiance.

"Finished now, yet incomplete?"
Cried angels once at Father's feet...

"We stand here now; pleading, pleading...
Don't you see our hearts are bleeding...
For this child and all her World...
Can't you fix her before the pain ravages the World again?"

God now spoke while wading, wading...
Through a pool of silver and gold...
Sovereign and steadfast, Shepherd wading...
"What pains the World, Celestial Friends, is separation from Me, from God to Man. No perfection will they ever see, until they live at Home with Me.
And so this Masterpiece will tell My Story, a tale through pain that brings Me Glory.
So dry your eyes, go swiftly hence, she's down on Earth, you must commence
to usher her through her Earthly reign until she's home with me again."