The homework that I did for my Romans study of chapter 12 focused on spiritual gifts. That was just fine; it helped me to realize that God has given to me gifts and talents according to HIS measure, so I need to not feel so overwhelmed by my schedule, because I do what I do with God's strength, NOT mine. So, that study was quite timely.
HOWEVER, my heart condition didn't just change from that! On Friday morning, during out Bible Study time at church we listened to Dr. Wayne Barber lecture on Romans 12; but he focused on what are NOT fruits of the spirit. The piece of information which has changed my attitude around is that my relationship with God (meaning, my ability to communicate with God) is dependent on my heart's condition. Dr. Barber said that if I am not feeling in sync with God, then there is something wrong with my relationship with him; most likely un-confessed sin, or bitterness.
Ding-ding-ding! We have a winner!
Bitterness. I was flat out bitter. I was feeling under appreciated, and over used. I, I, I, I, I...I was tired, and it ticked-me-off.
I couldn't believe I had fallen victim to bitterness. That's usually NOT my issue. I had studied Romans 12 relentlessly as a teenager to help me not grow bitter from the teasing and bullying that I experienced at school. I still can't believe that I so gradually created this Bitter Wall around my heart that was growing and over-taking my spirit.
I decided that the buck was going to stop with me. I needed God to renew my heart and the only way to do that was by humbly approaching him and asking forgiveness for my bitterness, bullheadedness, and self-righteousness.
God immediately lifted the heavy yoke that I had been feeling across my shoulders. I suddenly saw the beauty of the Christmas season around me. I had renewed energy, and excitement for each day. And now he's blowing my mind with ideas about this season, this universe, this planet which spins around each day in the perfect orbit in which God set it into motion.
|Evie's ornament; made today!|
Tonight I volunteered at my church's Christmas Musical Lightshow. I'm only saying this as my justification for not writing what I INTENDED to write tonight~which is going to knock EVERYONE'S socks off. I'll write about that tomorrow instead. But allow me to wrap up this post by imploring each person reading this to talk to God tonight; confess any sins that have gone unconfessed between you and God. He already knows, he sees all, he knows you; so be honest with him and ask him to come into your heart, to cleanse it, to renew it, and to give you a NEW heart condition. He will eagerly enter into you heart and start the renovation.
And tomorrow? Oh, tomorrow holds so many promises. I am praying that God helps me organize my thoughts, and my emotions, so I can create in everyone who reads this the sense of wonder and awe that I had this morning while sitting in church.
My heart condition is radically new, and that has given me a clearer vision of who God is, what the Universe tells us about Him, and how truly indescribable is his love for the world.