Monday, February 17, 2014

Reflecting on Some Deep Dark Nights

As time goes by, I remember less vividly the details of life when Evie had cancer.  I think it’s a defense mechanism that God has built into our systems, a way for us to recover from difficult periods in our lives.   But I also find that reading my journal from that time provides me with a healthy perspective on life, and reinvigorates me in my walk of faith and in my relationship with God. 

Because I kept a Caringbridge website updated for our friends and family when Evie was sick, I have a great resource that takes me back to those “too-many-late nights” and over-tired days.  I read through much of the journal the other night while riding in the car to MN.  It was wonderful to read through and “feel” my faith during that time.  Here is one of my entries from the first few weeks of Evie’s treatment:

Written Oct 11, 2005 8:06pm
Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves and blown here and there ... Eph 4:14

We are indeed becoming stronger because of what we are seeing. I realized today on our way into the clinic for another blood draw that we would never become better people if our battle with cancer was an easy one. If this went too smoothly, we would l never be "in the fire" and change from the experience.

Endure the pain, or stay the same....

So, Evie had a good day. We are still keeping up on the morphine so she continues to drink from her bottles and eat. She seems to want to do more baby food again than adult food. I think the textures are hard for her to swallow due to the soreness of her throat from the chemo. But she ate her dinner well tonight and after her bath was ready for bed.

Her hemoglobin was on the increase, so she did not require a blood transfusion today.

She was hilarious at the hospital...the minute the elevator door opened and she saw people she started waving...she never really stopped until I put her in the car to come home.

Tomorrow she and I will hopefully enjoy a relaxing day at home, then Thursday she has chemo and Friday an eye doctor appointment. I'll have to call the eye clinic ahead of time and see if we can bypass the waiting room since she will be susceptible to germs.

Take care, everyone!

Love, Tammie, Jeff and Evie (who cut a new tooth today! that makes 9!)
Sometimes it's just really good to look back and to see how far you've come...


  1. It is so important to record what you (the whole family) are going through, as it is so easy to blank out the bad memories and the highlights as well as you escape from those trying days when you finally reach some form of normality. You have certainly done this in your superb writing of your family's achievement.

    1. Thanks, Old Egg :). I was so thankful for Caringbridge because it kept everyone updates all at once, but now I'm thankful for the "legacy" we have of how people encouraged us and how we made it through a tough time.



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