Homesick...

We've almost been living out West for a year now already.  Wow...that REALLY went fast. 

In that time, I have been homesick twice...not too shabby, if you ask me. 

The first time it happened was back in January, and the second was today. 


Now, I'm not writing about it to make anyone feel bad.  I'm writing about it because I have thought about WHY I'm feeling the way that am, and I'm writing about it so that others who may TOTALLY get what I'm talking about can know that they were not, are not, and will never be alone.

Here's the thing about moving 1800 miles away from home.  NO ONE KNOWS YOU. 

• No one says, "That's sooooo 'Tammie.'" 
• No one says, "This is a job for Tammie."
• No one says, "If only Tammie were here right now." 
• No one says, "We need someone to paint the sign!  Quick, call Tammie."

Here's the other thing about moving 1800 miles away from home.  NO ONE KNOWS WHO YOU ARE ASIDE FROM BEING YOUR CHILD'S MOTHER.

No one here would call me spontaneous, fun-loving, willing to help, or adventurous-even though I am.  

• Here, they ONLY know that Tammie can't stay too long because Evie isn't comfortable here.  
• Here, they only know that Tammie needs things planned ahead of time so she can prepare Evie so Evie doesn't have a meltdown.  
• Here, they only know that Tammie talks about WAGR Syndrome aaaaaaaaallll the time; but really, that's because everyone in our old hometown has been learning about WAGR for 10 years along side of us; so they don't really have anymore questions to ask in Mount Horeb, WI.  (If you have a child with WAGR and are moving to WI, high-tail it to Mount Horeb...they will have no questions left!)  :):):)  I don't MIND answering the questions...but sometimes you DO feel like it's all you talk about, AND you want people to know that it's NOT the only thing you CAN talk about.

People here don't know what my dream job would be if money and reality were no object.  Easy! Singing and dancing in a musical.  I'd be shuffling off to Buffalo and time-stepping while singing "Meet Me in St. Louis" in a heart beat.

People here don't know that I used to re-write songs using the features and benefits of our new Victoria's Secret bras to train our employees when a new bra was launched.  I'll sing Body By Victoria to "Staying Alive" by the BeeGees for you anytime!   How about English Lace to "Wanna Be" by the Spice Girls?

People here don't know that in my spare time I like to draw and paint.  Do I ever do it?  No, because I have no spare time.

• If you needed an answer to an 80s or 90s trivia question, who is your phone-a-friend?  Tammie.
• If you wanted to take a pole-dancing class, but you didn't want to take it alone, who would you call?  Tammie.
• If you had the urge for Grumpy Troll, you called Tammie.
• If you needed to go shoe shopping, you called Tammie.

I have homesickness figured out.  It's all mathematical.  

When you have lived in the same town for 13 years, you have gotten together with friends for dinner, drinks, movies, Bible studies...etc, a LOT of times.  You can easily miss a dinner or a Bible study and really not feel like you've missed anything.  Afterall, you have been present and accounted for twelve of the last times you've all gotten together.  No.Big.Deal.

But right now, I don't have the NUMBER of times on my side.  AND, I don't have the ability to be present and accounted for as often because we don't have THAT many people to fall back on for childcare.  So, when I can only really BE THERE one out of four times, suddenly I find that I'm JUST getting caught up, and then I miss something, and I'm behind again. 

It's like trying to bring up your GPA when you're failing a class.  Maintaining a higher GPA is easier than raising up from the bottom of the grading scale.  I'm working at it, but it.is.tough.

So, that's my theory.  I haven't been homesick that many times considering how long we've been out here and how far away we are.  But, when it hits, it hits hard.  Realizing that it's a matter of mathematics has actually helped because that means I CAN survive.  I WILL have enough SHARED experiences, eventually, to help me feel like I'm not a fish out of water. 

I guess today, Dory from Finding Nemo would like my analogy.  She would wink at me and say, "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming." 

Plum

We have a plum little house,
In our plum little town,
With a plum perfect view 
of the mountains all around.

People thought us plum crazy
But we thought it was best,
To face all our fears
for a plum life out west.

While I'm feeling plum tuckered,
Unpacking's made me plum numb;
There's no rest for the weary who follow
dreams so plum.

Written in response to Sunday Scribblings 2's writing prompt:  Plum

A Bowl of Flowers

Image Courtesy of Praisaeng/freedigitalphotos.net

Packing memories

Packing dreams

Packing fears I'd rather leave behind

 

Packing my clothes

Packing my wares

Packing the dust I'd rather leave behind

 

Packing the photos

Packing the books

Packing the things I hoard here on earth

 

This bowl of flowers

Once held my hopes

But they have been packed

In a box that's closed

 

Sealed tight with tape

Marked

         "fragile"

                       "don't break"

 

Moth and rust won't gobble hopes up

Although the flowers will wither and die

My truest treasure is stored up on high.

 

Written in response to Sunday Scribblings 2 Prompt ~ A Bowl Full of Flowers

 

Do I Traffic an Un-lived Truth?

Do you ever get the feeling that God has sent you a specific and direct message; as if he entered into the room and is staring you in the eyes as he speaks?  

That was me today...

We; my husband, daughter and I, have been called West.  (I'm guessing you know this, since that post from the 6th of February sky-rocketed to my most popular post in just one day's time.)  You also know that its a scary and exciting opportunity for us.  With all that in mind, here is the scripture on which our sermon was based today at church.

So Jesus said to the twelve, “You do not want to go away also, do you?”  Simon Peter answered Him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have words of eternal life.  We have believed and have come to know that You are the Holy One of God."  John 6:67-69 NASB

We will follow God.  We are not going to take our own path on this one.  We are not going to let fear direct our decisions.  We are not going to fall into the rut of comfort-over-adventure when God is clearly asking us to step out of our comfort zone.

This is a pretty darn exciting time for Jeff and I, in all honesty.  It's a chance for us to experience the thrill of clinging to God by our "choice" rather than out of despair.  In the past we've been clinging to God through Evie's eye surgeries, Evie's battle with cancer, or the death of my father.  So...THIS?  This is GOOD STUFF!

Lord, to whom shall we go?

Why would we EVER go anywhere else than to Jesus?  He has been here with us through so much already; he IS our redemption, he IS the only good and pure thing in us, he IS the tried and true Rock that never changes even when the whole world changes in the blink of an eye.

Pastor Henry Ironsides said, "God forbid we traffic an un-lived truth."

www.graphics20.com

Exactly.  I can't sell God and his sovereignty to ANYONE if I don't try it out myself.  As a sales person, my greatest sales successes were through my personal testimonies of how a product worked for me.  Therefore, I can't sit here and write on my blog about how faithful God is to me when I don't give him my faith.

I can't wait to see how God reveals his glory over the next few months.  Selling a house, buying a house, final doctors appointments, IEPs, sad farewells, coordinating moving vans and cars,  moving our 11 year old kitty-cats...all the things that freak me out inside my mind don't begin to touch the peace that is in my heart. 

So I'll say it in Simon Peter's words, he said it so well... 

Lord, to whom shall I go? You have spoken the words of eternal life to me, Tammie.  I have believed and have come to know that YOU are the Holy One of God.

I will follow you.

Go West

"Go west."  God says...

Now it is real.  After telling Evie about our future move to Reno, after seeing her face crumple at the first thought of leaving her friends and teachers, after considering how strange I felt in this town when we moved here 12 years ago, and how woven into its tapestry we have become...after all of that, it is now real.

Badger Hockey

God is moving us from familiar faces, and familiar places.  Evie's friends and teachers know her and love her in a way that I dreamed of, and prayed that they would.  And, as routine as Evie's specialist appointments have become, we will soon be wandering the maze of a new hospital, a new school, a new city.  I will be educating new faces about WAGR/11p Deletion Syndrome.  I will be praying that we are patient, and that we are wise.

God's hand is all over this, I know it is.  As comforting as that thought is, and as much as there is a peace that's flowing through me; there is also fear and wonder which fills my heart in this splendid moment of isolation. 

So I practice the faith which I have preached...

The Real Housewives of Section 203

God asked Abraham to sacrifice his son, asked Noah to build an ark, asked Moses to lead the Israelites from the safety of slavery into the uncertainty of the Promised Land.  

God asks us to now move from the friends and family who have loved us through our times of strength and our times of weakness; from my embarrassing breakdown at the pharmacy, to our triumphant fundraising for Relay for Life; who will know us and love us as this town does? And with Minnesota only a few short hours away, I never felt the loneliness that might come with a day and more between us. 

Badger Football

Reno holds the beautiful promise of a new adventure, and a new growth for our little family...a father, a mother, a daughter and two kitties.  "Go west." God says..

Okay, God, I'm trusting you to hold us and carry us through...