Showing posts with label blindness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label blindness. Show all posts

Monday, March 7, 2022

The Tears of Silent Sparrow

 

Evie and her instructor on the corner of a busy street.

Today we had tears...lots of tears during our orientation and mobility lesson. 

Evie's been using a cane since she was 3 years old. But that doesn't mean she "relied" on the cane, and that doesn't mean that she used it to independently navigate busy or dangerous terrain. 

Now that we are looking at her starting college however, the game plan has changed and we need to change with it. 

And it's scary.

And it HARD.

Nobody likes to see Evie cry...it's heartbreaking...it's like seeing a baby bird who is injured. 

But tears are necessary because they reflect her realization that she can't fake her way through a lesson on her own positive attitude. No, sometimes it takes hard work, mind-bending work, gut-wrenching work. 

On the corner of one of our busiest neighborhood streets we saw her reach her breaking point today. The realization that life isn't safe. The realization that cars, speed, and distractions can equal injury and harm. The realization that there are no promises and there aren't really any shortcuts to true independence. 

It's terrifying as a parent of a child with disabilities to hear people speak so lightly of crosswalks, speed limits and handicap parking spots as if they shouldn't have to be bothered with these inconveniences because they are slowing them down or moving them further away from where they would like to be. 

All we are looking for is a way to keep our loved ones safe! 

Ultimately, though, I come back to one solution. My only solution. 

The government cannot save us.

The money cannot save us.

The rules cannot save us.

The Law cannot save us. 

Only God can save us. 

If I look anywhere else for solace, safety or salvation, I will be disappointed. 

You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me. Psalm 139:5 

Hem her in, Lord. Hem in her in. Keep her safe in this crazy, broken world. Lay your hand upon her. 


Thursday, January 14, 2021

If You Give a Kid a Cane...

 




If you give a kid a cane, she'll want to take a walk outside.
You'll take her on one of your favorite scenic walks, and she'll probably notice all of the birds and wildlife.
She'll ask you for more knowledge on that wildlife, and when you give her that knowledge she'll probably want to go to college to learn more. 
College will be so exciting that she'll want to go to grad school!
Then she'll be busy writing papers and being a teaching assistant. 
She'll need a new outfit for her first job interview. 


So, you'll have a fun shopping trip before she flies off to DC. 
She'll interview at the Smithsonian Museum of Air and Space. 
While she's interviewing, she'll realize how much she loves the hustle and bustle of the city. 
She'll get the job and then she'll have to move!
So, you'll hire movers. 
When she's packing, you'll find all kinds of old momentos of growing up. 

You'll play cards, and boardgames, and flip through some of her favorite books from when she was younger.
Then she'll want to see some of her first braille books that seemed so difficult to read back then.
So, you'll run to the closet and pull them out, 
You'll read Freckle Juice, and Frog and Toad, and If You Give a Pig a Pancake...
Then you'll pull out her first cane from when she was 3 years old. 
It'll seem hardly tall enough for an American Girl Doll to use, 
and she'll want to try it out for fun,
and you'll laugh at how tiny it is. 
She'll decide she wants to take it to DC with her as a keepsake. 
Then she'll probably hug you. 
And chances are, 
she'll thank you for believing in her and pushing her to grow, 
then she'll want to take a walk with you again before it's time to go off to her new, independent life. 

Inspired by the Laura Numeroff "If You Give a Pig a Pancake" book series, and by my daughter. 




Thursday, September 19, 2019

The Word Woven into the Code

Evie interlining her Braille assignment.


Just last weekend I attended a breakout session at my church for volunteers to help re-fuel us and our "servant-hearts". During the break out session, I learned about the impact the translation of the Bible into English had on literacy rates. According to the Washington Times: 
...in a period of 100 years reading and writing English among males in England went from about 5 percent of the population to 25% eventually reaching 40% of the population. By 1770, shopkeepers were 95% literate. Literacy in England is directly attributable to the Bible. (Creason, Washington Times, 12/11/14).
My Oversized Poster of Strong Groupsigns
Scripture certainly does give us something worth reading, and at that time it may have been some of the ONLY stuff to read. Now we are bombarded with all kinds of leisure reading options, some worthy and others not...but the Bible, unfortunately finds itself all too often resting on a lonely shelf collecting dust and cobwebs.

Fast forward a few days to today, and my daughter and I working on her Braille lesson. She was brailling Psalm 27: 1-2 which is part of our scripture memorization. As she was doing this, she recognized that she was making mistakes and wanted to fix them. I told her to just keep going and that she could interline her work (print the translation above the brailled symbols) after she was finished, and then we would make corrections the next day.

While she was working on her Braille, I was also working on mine. I was using large paper to create giant posters with CONTRACTED Braille on them so we could continue learning where she left off last year. (She was in public school, but we started homeschooling just this fall). As I was preparing a poster and reading through the various contractions, I started to take note of some unique words that I had no IDEA would be a part of the contracted Braille code.
lord
spirit
world
rejoice
rejoicing
character
ought
knowledge
shall
thyself
Of all the words that could have been transferred into a shortened code in order to make Braille easier to read for its audience...these were worthy enough to be part of that pool.
These beautifully Biblical words were suddenly a part of our lesson plan. 
Evie's Braille assignment with interlining notes,
corrections she made, and new contractions for her to work on
as she continues to practice brailling Psalm 27: 1-2

I was flabbergasted...I was moved almost to a point of tears as I felt relief wash over me. One of the toughest parts of the decision to homeschool my daughter was knowing that we were not going to have access to Braille lessons in the district anymore and I would be responsible for continuing her Braille literacy. I didn't know quite where to begin-but something in my gut today said, "Tammie, just have her start with something she knows...her memory verses."

We will begin to learn those contractions because they will occur over and over again in the scripture that we will be proclaiming in thought, word, deed...and now in Braille. For sure, God's plan is always better than my plan, and His word is a light unto my path.

For the word of God is alive and active...
Hebrews 4:12 NIV

Monday, December 3, 2018

Goggles



I am ever so grateful for the Wisconsin Center for the Blind and Visually Impaired (WCBVI), and for the Pre-school-6 Year conference that they put together annually here in Wisconsin.  Over the years, I think we attended four conferences and enjoyed each of them and gained something new every time.

I specifically remember one presentation that my husband and I attended in which we were given a pair of goggles to wear that simulated a vision impairment close to that of our daughter's.  It wasn't the perfect simulation of her vision, but it had a couple of key things:
  • A hemorrhage in one eye, which our daughter did not have, but the hemorrhage occluded the vision from that eye, and our daughter can't see with her left eye
  • 20/200 vision in the other eye 

Seeing things "the way" she sees them was startling enough, but the session director then had us attempt to complete various tasks.  If I recall correctly, I was supposed to put together a cabin out of Linkin' Logs.  I recall having to turn my head so I could use just my right eye to read the directions and find the pieces, because only the right eye was "working".  I found it incredibly difficult to adapt, and I started to get a headache because my right eye was working so much harder than my left eye.  I grew frustrated and tired.

My husband also participated in this same session only it was the hour after me, so we didn't have a chance to debrief before he went into the room.  He wore a pair of simulation goggles and completed a task as well.  He recounts a thought-provoking experience that he had while performing his task.  My husband was concentrating on what he was supposed to be doing, when suddenly someone came up behind him, without warning, and wiped his nose with a tissue.  Wow!  Brilliant!  How many of us would do that to our children without thinking about how alarming that would be? 

I realized, after that particular WCBVI conference, that it's important for me to try to see the world through my daughter's eyes.  When she's tired or frustrated, or when a task is more difficult for her than I think it should be, I remember my experience with the goggles I wore that day; the goggles that gave me a whole new perspective, and a healthy respect for everything my daughter DOES accomplish without grumbling or complaining.

You can check out the various low-vision simulation goggles at places like http://www.lowvisionsimulators.com/, or look at some of the vision simulation activities at http://www.perkins.org/resources/scout/vision-and-blindness/simulation-of-vision.html.  

Don't we all wear our own pair of goggles everyday?  We never really see every situation the same way that others see it, because we have our own individual interpretations based on our life experiences. Maybe Tennessee Williams said it best:
Nobody sees anybody truly but all through the flaws of their own egos. That is the way we all see ...each other in life. Vanity, fear, desire, competition-- all such distortions within our own egos-- condition our vision of those in relation to us... That's how it is in all living relationships except when there is that rare case of two people who love intensely enough to burn through all those layers of opacity and see each others' naked hearts. (accessed 2/13/14 at http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/290058-nobody-sees-anybody-truly-but-all-through-the-flaws-of)

Sunday, March 5, 2017

Fight Night ~ The Battle with Braille

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to The Ring! Tonight we will see the anticipated match-up of Hefty verses Braille.  This highly anticipated fight is brought to you after years of training, and lots of education, sweat and tears.  The opponents are in their corners and reading to come out swinging; so get ready for an exciting battle.

Bong!  Round 1:  
I heard it first at the Parents of Visually Impaired Pre-Schoolers conference, "Start Braille early."  It will be a challenge, but we need Braille in our arsenal of weapons as our child is at risk of losing her vision.  
Jab, jab...

No problem.  We have a great system and are already learning tactile discrimination in our home visits from the Vision Specialist.

Thwack...
Easy peasy.  
Floored.

Better get some water...I'm already sweating.

Bong!   Round 2:  
Oh, yeah.  We are rocking you, Braille!  I'm even using sidewalk chalk to make Braille cells in our driveway and having our daughter jump to different letters to show-off her awesome memorization of the Braille code! 
Jab, upper-cut...

Another new TVI this year?  Hmmm...it's tough to learn when the teacher isn't the same each year...

Wait!  It's October now and our daughter hasn't had any Braille services yet this school year?
Ooof!  Stars burst in front of my eyes.  I shake the cobwebs from my head.
It's okay.  It's okay.  Just got a phone call and the district finally found a teacher.  Her services will start soon again and we'll be caught up.

Saved by the bell.

I need to towel off...the sweat is running into my eyes and I can hardly see straight.  That punch landed right where it hurt!

Bong!  Round 3:  

So, 90 minutes of Braille instruction a week...and it's hard to spread them out because the teachers are pulled to so many schools and over-worked and hard to find, so we're doing ALL 90 minutes at once. How many 6 year olds can stay focused for 90 minutes on BRAILLE?  
Ouch!  It feels like my nose just exploded.  How did I not see that coming?
BUT at least we're getting services, right?  I should be happy about that.  Grateful.

End of the school year...saved by the bell again.

I stumble to my corner and sit wearily on my stool.  This Braille is a tough opponent.  I need to build my strategy better.

Bong!  Round 4:
Yeah...that's right.  I'm coming for you Braille.  I'm taking a class on-line so I can learn all about you and THEN we'll see who will knock out WHOM!  
Got my own slate and stylus.  Look at me!  I know my stuff!  I'm at the head of the class.  Now I can help my daughter with her homework and we will be FINE!

Jab, cross, upper-cut.
Boom.  Floored ya, Braille.  
How you like momma now?

I strut over to my corner; don't even need to sit down, I'm on FIRE!!!

Bong!  Round 5:  
There's my girl...she's getting 30 minutes A DAY of Braille.  She still can't read it with her fingers very well, but she's learning the code like a champ!  We're Brailling her class Valentines and she's loving it.  

Speed Bag...look at us now!

Jab, jab....Jib-Jab!
Hmmm...you're surprisingly strong, my opponent...and we're caught in a CLINCH.  
The ref calls it, and we hear the bell.

Bong!  Round 6:
New state, new rules.  They "suggest" a school for our daughter that has more students who are learning Braille.  I say, "No.  She's already made friends here, she's already bonded to her teachers.  We just moved her half way across the country.  No way.  That's not inclusion." 
Okay then...30 minutes of Braille a week.  Wait, a WEEK?  Well, ummmm...okay....I guess we'll just work harder at home.

Jab.
Would that type of instruction be acceptable for learning to read print?
Bam!
Would that amount of time be okay regarding any other GENERAL education requirement?
Thwack, wam!
Now we've moved it to 60 minutes every OTHER week?  
SLAM!!!!
"She's behind.  She's not learning it.  She's not practicing."  
I'm dizzy.  I'm stumbling.  I can't form the words that I need to express how I'm feeling.

Saved (?) by the bell....

I crawl to my corner.  I'm on the floor with my arm draped on the ropes.  My coach is pouring water into my mouth and it runs down my chin and bleeds onto my top.  
I should have fought harder.  I should not have caved so quickly three years ago.  But now it's been three years, and the pattern has been established.  NOW, she's having to do so much to stay on top of her other classwork that I don't blame her for not wanting to work on this.  Why WOULD she prioritize learning something for a teacher she only sees two times a month at most?
I should have trained harder.  I know how to advocate.  But, when I'm fighting SO many battles for things like medicaid and good doctors, then some of the battles get written off as "the least of my concerns for now."  
A parent responds to my call for help from an on-line support group, "Of course they moved her to 30 minutes a week because no one can learn anything in that time, and eventually you'll stop trying, and THEY can stop teaching it."  

Another parent says their child had 60 minutes a day at my daughter's age...another says 90 minutes a day.  A DAY!

"Don't give up on Braille...you can't use technology when the power goes out."
Yes, yes...all so true.  And all adding to the cacophony in my brain.
How many times did I get hit?  Can I stand up again?  I really just want to close my eyes and go to sleep.

Bong!  Round 7 is about to begin...and I'm spent.

Wednesday, August 17, 2016

What I Learned at the Water's Edge ~ Guest Blogging Day




Then behold, men brought on a bed a man who was paralyzed, whom they sought to bring in a lay before Him. And when they could not find how they might bring him in, because of the crowd, they went up on the housetop and let him down with his bed through the tiling into the midst before Jesus. When He saw their faith, He said to him, "Man, your sins are forgiven you."
Luke 5:18-20 NKJV


The Child: I shuffle along, kicking up the dry mountain dust, coating my tennis ball in a thick clay-like film. My white cane hits a gnarled tree root that rises up out of the ground. The cane is stuck in the root and its handle slams painfully into the my hip bone. I let out a groan and wince from the sudden jab of pain. I hear my mother inhale sharply in response to this, and know she is frustrated again by the surroundings and the difficulty we are both experiencing.
The Mother: I see my daughter tripping along the rock, rooted, dusty path down to the lakefront. Last night I was in tears in our cabin at camp. I was sweaty, sticky with bug repellant, and tired from the numerous trips to our cabin from the car full of our sleeping bags, pillows, baggage and more. I didn't have a daughter who could carry her own things, so I needed to carry both of our belongings myself.
I was hurt by the "looks" at my daughter from these new peers who did not know her. The looks communicated fear from some and pity from others. None of these felt good to my heart, and I heard the rush of fear rumbling through my head as I experienced a feeling of rejection that I had not known in several years.
Now, the next morning, we are trekking down to the lakefront ahead of the rush of kids in order to try to safely navigate the rocking, dusty, uncertain path straight down into...what? For what? I feel my daughter stumble and my shoulder burns with pain as I squeeze my right hand around her wrist and strain to help her stay on her feet. I take in a sharp breath to try to lessen the intensity of my pain and keep my eyes from tearing up.

Continue reading on Comfort in the Midst of Chaos...

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

She's Not as Blind as You Think ~ WAGR Wednesday

Today is national White Cane Safety Day in the United States.  (Some states recognize it as White Cane Safety Day, and others White Cane Day).  The US Congress designated October 15th as the official day of observation back in 1964. In recognizing the day on a national level, the accomplishments, independence, and contributions of people who are blind or visually impaired has been more widely celebrated and acknowledged.
In recognition of White Cane Safety Day, I decided that today's WAGR Wednesday piece should be about what vision is like for our loved ones with WAGR. 
Here are three things I have heard over all of Evie's 10 years:
"Oh, she looks so tired..."
and
"I don't think she's as blind as you think she is," or "I think she can see more than you think she can."
and 
"Won't glasses help?"

First thing's first, the sleepy baby...
Age 1~Trying to see her world.

People with Aniridia have no irises...the colored part of your eye.  The iris acts as a protective device against many factors that wage war on the eye, one being LIGHT!  That being said, you can imagine how BRIGHT things are for those with Aniridia.  Being all pupil, Evie is VERY photo-phobic and often will wear her sunglasses even on the cloudiest of days.  Yes, she often will look sleepy because she won't open her eyes extremely wide as one might usually do if the iris is there to protect the eye from bright light.  

Another thing that many people with Aniridia experience is ptosis of the eye.  This is a droopy eye lid, which varies in severity from case to case.  In Evie's case, she spent the first two years of her life gazing through about a 1/4 inch slit of space to see the world around her.  As she became more able to manage her gross motor movements, she would hold her right eye lid up so she could get a better view.  She never touched her left eye, and that's because her brain may have never learned to use that eye as she had undergone several surgeries on that eye due to her glaucoma.  When Evie was about 22 months old, she had a surgical procedure to lift those eye lids so she wouldn't have to do all the work herself.  What a difference that made, but she still has a "sleepy" look about her at times, so we still hear about how "someone needs a nap."  
After Evie had her Ptosis Surgery

I don't think she's as blind as you think she is...

Evie runs around, climbs stairs, swims, dances, rides horses, writes, reads...so, people who aren't familiar with the variations in blindness often don't think she's blind.  There are many factors, however that affect the level of visual acuity one has.  Take for example the fact that Evie has had consistent vision since birth; she has not LOST vision and she has not GAINED vision.  So, if it's all one knows, than one may be very comfortable with that level of vision.  She learned to run without seeing out of her left eye, and only seeing a blurred vision through her right...she learned to read with just a blurred right eye...she learned to dance with no peripheral vision and just looking through a blurry right eye...IT'S.ALL.SHE.KNOWS.

What you don't know CAN hurt you...if Evie doesn't know there's a post on her left, she will run into it.  If Evie doesn't see the car mirror on the left when walking through a parking lot, she will run into it.  If Evie hasn't been to this house before and races through the kitchen, she will trip over the cat or dog food bowl and slam into the counter on her left.  If Evie is supposed to be following a circle of cones and running in a circle around them, but they are running counter-clockwise...she will run in a direct line straight out because she can't see the cones on her left.
Jenny (from England) and Evie at WAGR Weekend 2013

Yes, she is, indeed as blind as I think she is.

Evie's white cane has given her tremendous independence and safety.  She has been using it since she was three because we learned at a conference that kids who start with their cane at age three are less likely to reject their cane as they get older, and others have learned to see the cane as "part of them."  PLUS...Evie's vision is very fragile...we could wake up tomorrow and it could be worse than it is today, (it sometimes goes that quickly with Aniridia, cataracts, dry eyes...all of dangerous factors that can pop up quite unexpectedly in our WAGR world).  We want Evie to know how to use a cane before she is DEPENDENT on her cane...why wait and put the pressure on her when she'll be adjusting to other changes in life?  Let's do it now.  

 Can't glasses help???

Glasses help to correct the refraction of light that comes through the cornea and the lens of the eye.  But, get this...in the eye of a person with Aniridia, the main problem with vision is that there are not enough cells at the back of the eye that will transmit the messages received by the eye to the brain. (Aniridia Network)  While some people with Aniridia DO wear glasses, it is to help them with the same type of near-sightedness or far-sightedness that we are used to hearing about in people with typical eyes...it does NOT help the type of vision loss that comes from Aniridia itself.  

This was a longer post than I'm used to doing...so, if you made it this far, CONGRATULATIONS!  For me, White Cane Safety Day was a day for me to learn more and tell more.  I appreciate all of you who join me in recognizing this day which celebrates the accomplishments of such extraordinary people.


Wednesday, January 22, 2014

WAGR Wednesday~ Sleepy Baby




If you’re a parent of a child with WAGR Syndrome, I know you will recognize the sound of this…

       Someone is sleepy…
      Looks like someone missed her nap…
      Oh, are we keeping you up? 
Sleepy Baby…

Only, when I’d hear these comments, my baby was wide awake, she just couldn’t keep her eyes open!  I know, I know…was that really a reason for me to get frustrated?

Tammie, they didn’t KNOW when they said she looked sleepy that Evie had WAGR, or aniridia, or vision impairment.

Sunday, January 5, 2014

Et Cetera~Part II


One Year Old

I’ve promised to write a series of entries titled “Et Cetera,” and each entry will focus a bit on one of the many manifestations of WAGR Syndrome (www.wagr.org), which my daughter Evie has.  Again, I’m not a person in the medical field, so the information I am writing here is just what I have picked up along the way as the mother of a child with WAGR Syndrome.  Yesterday I wrote about the “W” of WAGR which stands for Wilms Tumor.  Today I’ll write about the “A,” aniridia.

Aniridia is the absence of the iris in the eye.  Rather than a blue, green, hazel or brown eye, people with aniridia have only pupil (although there is sometimes a distinguishable start to a iris, and there may be a small colored ring around the outer edge of the pupil.)  This is one of the most obvious indications of WAGR, but it doesn’t necessarily mean the person has WAGR.  Aniridia CAN occur as a hereditary trait in families, but, because that was not the case with Evie, the concern that she had WAGR was more pronounced. 

The iris is not just the colored part of a person’s eye; one of its primary functions is to protect the eye.  The absence of the iris means an individual will be highly sensitive to light, and also at risk for damage to the eye.  The lack of iris makes any surgical procedure more difficult and risky.  Usually, if an individual has aniridia, she may also have a number of other eye conditions.  Because the development of the eye is controlled by the PAX 6 gene, which lies on the 11th chromosome, and the PAX 6 gene is deleted in persons with WAGR, the development of the eye itself did not fully occur.  The eye may also be afflicted by cataracts, glaucoma, or detached retina.  There are just a multitude of critical developments which occur as the eye is forming, which means the “iris” or lack there-of, is not the only complication found with aniridia. 

Raging glaucoma in her left eye
In Evie’s case, for example, we found she had glaucoma pretty quickly.  Her right eye responded to drops, but the left eye didn’t, so we needed to have a number of surgical procedures to try to reduce the pressure in her eye.  A normal eye pressure may be in the teens, but in Evie’s case it was often in the 30’s and would even get as high as in the 40’s or 50’s.  When her pressures were that high her left eye would bulge outward.  We often had thought, “Oh, look how well she’s opening her eyes…” (Because Evie had trouble opening her eyes)…we’d take it as a good sign.  In actuality, her eye was protruding from the pressure within it and it just made it appear as though she were opening her eyes wider.  

Evie also had cataracts, and still does.  The cataracts in her right eye are small and do not obscure her vision.  The cataracts in the left eye did eventually grow and interfere with her vision, but, the glaucoma was actually the biggest issue in that eye for the first year of her life.

Another issue that Evie had with her eyes was that her eyelids hung very low and she could not open them more than about a quarter of an inch.  This condition is called ptosis.  She actually started to lift her right eye open with her hand.  I have several pictures where this is the case.  

Holding her eye open to see Jinxy
Unfortunately, when she was about a year and a half old, (and also, incidentally on chemotherapy), her pressures had gotten uncontrollable in her left eye again.  We had to do something, even though she’d already had several surgeries on that eye.  However, we had gotten to the point where the cataracts would need to be removed if we were going to hope to restore vision.  Then we looked at the fact that she only “held” her right eye open with her hands, she never pulled the left eye open.  Never.  That likely meant that she really didn’t use the left eye.  If she had NEVER used the left eye…not even since birth, there was the likelihood that the BRAIN never learned to use that eye.  Our brains are amazing computers and if an access point doesn’t work, the brain stops trying to access information through that channel.  Her brain probably never used that eye, and even doing surgery to remove the cataracts and then surgery to try to reduce the pressure in that eye, for the fourth time, may not mean restored vision if the brain never learned to use the eye.  

Post eye-lift, A whole new world
We decided at that point that we had enough to deal with concerning her cancer, and we needed to get her comfortable by reducing the pressure quickly.  The cataract THEN glaucoma route would have required us to travel to another state for a procedure, and all of that seemed just too much to think about while she was undergoing chemotherapy.  Pile that on top of the fact that she may have never used that eye, and may never get vision in it, well, the choice seemed obvious to us.  Not easy, but obvious.  We agreed to have a procedure done which would significantly reduce the pressure in her left eye, but would also mean the eventual collapse of the optic nerve.  

At the time of that decision, I didn’t flinch.  I felt that cancer was our biggest concern, and if she was going to make it through cancer I didn’t really feel concerned about her not being able to see with  her left eye.  I don’t regret the decision one bit; but I also am thankful that God placed us in the extraordinary situation he did so the decision was easy for us…I don’t know if it would have been that easy had Evie not been undergoing cancer treatment at the same time.  

A post surgery patch~
So, Evie is legally blind.  She still is at risk for high pressures again that DON’T respond to the drops we give her.  She has a valve still in her left eye that had been placed during one of her surgeries, but scarred over, and we know there’s a risk of her developing dry eye because of the eye-lift her doctor did so she could keep her eyes open without physically holding them open.  At one time, post surgery, we had to give her about 19 drops in one day (a total that is based on having two eyes for drops, a variety of drops and a two to three times a day frequency with which we had to deliver them).  Currently, we have one drop for her right eye to keep the glaucoma under control and we put an antibiotic ointment in both her eyes at night to keep the eyes healthy, free of infection and moisturized.  

That’s our aniridia experience in a nutshell.  It’s not a comprehensive description at all.  Some of our friends with WAGR have had stem cell transplants, other implants, recurrent infections, detached retinas and continued deterioration of their vision.  It’s not an easy future to consider, and we know that we are more than likely going to watch Evie’s vision diminish more over time.  

Aniridia, the “A” in WAGR Syndrome.  It was our first indication that our baby was special, was different, and that our hearts were going to be broken time and time again.  Aniridia has its own “Et Ceteras” that come along with it; glaucoma, cataracts, etc.  Thankfully, by God’s blessing, one of the things that we got in addition to aniridia was Evie.  I wouldn’t trade her for the world.

Tomorrow I’m going to take you to the confusing, and often misunderstood “G”.  Yes, I will tell you about the genitourinary abnormalities that come with WAGR.   (Insert Parental Discretion is Advised graphic and PG-13 rating here).




Saturday, December 14, 2013

Just Blind Enough

How many of you remember Mary Ingalls going blind?  Having grown up in the late 70's and 80's, I am a product of Little House on the Prairie and I will never forget Mary screaming, "Pa, I can't see, I can't see!!!" Charles scaled the ladder to loft faster than a squirrel up a tree-and Mary grabbed hold of him with clenched white fingers as if holding on for dear life.

This was the image still embossed in my brain when I learned that my daughter, Evie would be blind.  She was only a few days old when we learned of her eye condition, aniridia.  She doesn't have irises, the colored part of her eye, just pupils. Cataracts and glaucoma are also a threat to her eye, and she has an increased risk of developing keratopathy (dry eye)  or a detached retina.  

The interesting  dilemma we find ourselves in today, however, is that, although Evie is legally blind, she still has very useful vision.  She needs to learn braille and cane-travel because it's easier to learn that now, while she's in school, and while her brain is still quick to absorb all the information that children can and do.  Learning braille is just like learning Spanish or German; learning cane-travel is much like taking ballet.  But still having the "useful" vision that she does,  gives her the innate compulsion to USE that vision rather than learning the methods used by those who are fully blind. 

I equate this dilemma to when my sister and I traveled to Mexico for a home stay with a family.  The family spoke Spanish and we were there to practice our Spanish.  We had to talk slowly, dig around in our brains for the right translations, and often we learned what we didn't yet know.  But we DID know English, and that would have been faster for us.  So whenever we met someone who spoke English, we would revert right back to that first language that we'd been hearing since birth. 

In the same respect, Evie reverts back to using her vision whenever she can.  She's learning braille, and memorizes the dots in the braille cells just like we memorize the shape of the English alphabet letters; but when the dots are there on the paper in front of her, rather than feeling the dots, she will hold them as close to her right eye (the "good" eye) as possible and READ the dots. A blindfold is required when we practice her braille because of that strong gravitational pull which draws the paper to her eye.  Yes, I have to blindfold my blind child to do her homework.

It's just interesting to think that her usable vision, which we ultimately know will fade as she gets older, is an obstacle that keeps her from leaping forward in the "subjects" that are helpful to those who are blind.  Of course we cherish every day that Evie can see; can read large print, can read signs in the stores and on building fronts, can recognize faces...it's all a gift.  I know many families of children with Evie's condition have struggled with watching the vision that their child once had disappear.  I know we will go through that too.  But for today, I'll thank God for making Evie "just blind enough" that we can plan for the future, but still see what beauty is here before our eyes..

What is the one thing that YOU would miss seeing if you were to go blind?


Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Not My Ways...

Once upon a time, humanity had no pain, had no fear and had no shame.  But that all changed with a simple exchange that took place in a beautiful garden with flowing rivers, "You will not surely die. For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened and you will be like God, knowing good and evil." Genesis 3:4-5; and the woman decided to try to become like God.  Humanity lost it's innocence when the desire to play God was acted upon, and suddenly we knew pain, fear and shame.

Evie with her White Cane
 The curse of that first defiant act of sin was death.  The sin that was acted upon became the sin of generation, upon generation, upon generation.  We are born into sinful flesh and have a sin nature.  Each one of us comes into this world ready to go our own way, to play God.  Consider the selfishness of babies, for example.  People want to say that babies are innocent because, let's face it, they are adorable.  However, they aren't looking for ways to help their parents get a good night sleep.  They want to be changed, fed, and kept warm.  This demonstrates the selfish, sinful nature of humanity.  We come out of the womb and are thinking only of ourselves.  

I'm just wondering how many people realize that even the greatest leaders in the Bible are also flawed and sinful characters.  It's so common today for us to not want to recognize the sin in ourselves and in others.  But in order for us to understand our NEED for salvation, we must understand that "all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." Romans 3:23.  This includes Abraham, Noah, Moses, Aaron, David, and on, and on, and on.  So, when people get uncomfortable because they want to say we (as Christians) are being judgmental or over-critical by acknowledging sin; those people need to realize that the TRUE Christian must recognize that everyone is a sinner.

That being said, if the "wages of sin is death" Romans 6:23, then the most important thing we need in our lives is salvation from our sins.  The apostle Paul writes, "Sin killed me" (Romans 7:11), "I do what I hate" (Romans 7:15) and "Nothing good dwells in me" (7:18).  Paul, especially, is testimony to the redeeming nature of Christ's sacrifice on the cross for us.  Paul, prior to converting to Christianity, was one of the most feared persecutors of Christians!  He murdered the people who believed in Jesus.  I don't know if there's a more dramatic example of a transformation from an old, sinful self into a newly redeemed, passionate soul on a mission to help others find the same redemption.  

Paul says that Christ's death and triumph over the grave has cleared all of the charges against our souls brought on by our sins.  He says that there is "no condemnation" for those who believe in Christ and profess it with our mouths.  (Romans 8:1)

Where am I going with this?  What does this have to do with the fact that Evie
Cancer diagnosis
is blind, that she's suffered through cancer, that we have to always be on guard and monitoring her blood pressure and kidney functions?  


Yesterday I wrote about the splendor of God's creation, the vastness of the Universe, and that fact that he shows his power and wonder in all that he spoke into existence.  And then I posed the question:  if God can do that, then why can't he heal Evie?  

Fact:  He can.
Fact:  He will.

But not.just.yet.

How else will people learn about God if it's not through seeing his ability to bring beauty from pain?  How else with we get softer souls if we don't fall flat on our faces and realize that we can't play God, because we are NOT God?  How else will we be able to praise the Creator if not by praising Him when we are in the midst of a storm?

Anyone can rejoice when things are going well, but it takes true faith to rejoice in the midst of suffering.  Anyone can do something nice for a friend, but it takes true faith to love someone simply because God loves him.  Anyone can learn to be a doctor or scientist and work to cure cancer, heal the blind, or save a kidney from a donor and transplant it to another patient, but only God can rescue their soul from the grip of Hell.  

"God shows his love for us in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us."  Romans 5:8

While we were yet sinners.  So Christ died for me even before I chose Him.  I don't deserve salvation, I haven't earned eternal life in Heaven, but God is going to give it to me anyway, because I've accepted the gift of life through Jesus.

If I had it my way, we wouldn't have to see Evie struggle with so many challenges.  It's painful; it's terribly painful.  But sin has continued to curse the human race since the fall of man back in that beautiful garden with flowing rivers.  If I had it my way, I could read a newspaper and my stomach wouldn't turn because I read about someone burning a body in a fire pit in his yard.  If I had it my way, those who murder would be murdered; those who tease would get teased; and those who steal would be stolen from.  But, thankfully, God's way are not my ways.  I can't get inside the brain of God because he is so huge that he holds the Universe in the palm of his hand.  What can my little, teeny tiny brain understand of him and his ways?

Nothing.

And that's where faith steps in...