Homesick...

We've almost been living out West for a year now already.  Wow...that REALLY went fast. 

In that time, I have been homesick twice...not too shabby, if you ask me. 

The first time it happened was back in January, and the second was today. 


Now, I'm not writing about it to make anyone feel bad.  I'm writing about it because I have thought about WHY I'm feeling the way that am, and I'm writing about it so that others who may TOTALLY get what I'm talking about can know that they were not, are not, and will never be alone.

Here's the thing about moving 1800 miles away from home.  NO ONE KNOWS YOU. 

• No one says, "That's sooooo 'Tammie.'" 
• No one says, "This is a job for Tammie."
• No one says, "If only Tammie were here right now." 
• No one says, "We need someone to paint the sign!  Quick, call Tammie."

Here's the other thing about moving 1800 miles away from home.  NO ONE KNOWS WHO YOU ARE ASIDE FROM BEING YOUR CHILD'S MOTHER.

No one here would call me spontaneous, fun-loving, willing to help, or adventurous-even though I am.  

• Here, they ONLY know that Tammie can't stay too long because Evie isn't comfortable here.  
• Here, they only know that Tammie needs things planned ahead of time so she can prepare Evie so Evie doesn't have a meltdown.  
• Here, they only know that Tammie talks about WAGR Syndrome aaaaaaaaallll the time; but really, that's because everyone in our old hometown has been learning about WAGR for 10 years along side of us; so they don't really have anymore questions to ask in Mount Horeb, WI.  (If you have a child with WAGR and are moving to WI, high-tail it to Mount Horeb...they will have no questions left!)  :):):)  I don't MIND answering the questions...but sometimes you DO feel like it's all you talk about, AND you want people to know that it's NOT the only thing you CAN talk about.

People here don't know what my dream job would be if money and reality were no object.  Easy! Singing and dancing in a musical.  I'd be shuffling off to Buffalo and time-stepping while singing "Meet Me in St. Louis" in a heart beat.

People here don't know that I used to re-write songs using the features and benefits of our new Victoria's Secret bras to train our employees when a new bra was launched.  I'll sing Body By Victoria to "Staying Alive" by the BeeGees for you anytime!   How about English Lace to "Wanna Be" by the Spice Girls?

People here don't know that in my spare time I like to draw and paint.  Do I ever do it?  No, because I have no spare time.

• If you needed an answer to an 80s or 90s trivia question, who is your phone-a-friend?  Tammie.
• If you wanted to take a pole-dancing class, but you didn't want to take it alone, who would you call?  Tammie.
• If you had the urge for Grumpy Troll, you called Tammie.
• If you needed to go shoe shopping, you called Tammie.

I have homesickness figured out.  It's all mathematical.  

When you have lived in the same town for 13 years, you have gotten together with friends for dinner, drinks, movies, Bible studies...etc, a LOT of times.  You can easily miss a dinner or a Bible study and really not feel like you've missed anything.  Afterall, you have been present and accounted for twelve of the last times you've all gotten together.  No.Big.Deal.

But right now, I don't have the NUMBER of times on my side.  AND, I don't have the ability to be present and accounted for as often because we don't have THAT many people to fall back on for childcare.  So, when I can only really BE THERE one out of four times, suddenly I find that I'm JUST getting caught up, and then I miss something, and I'm behind again. 

It's like trying to bring up your GPA when you're failing a class.  Maintaining a higher GPA is easier than raising up from the bottom of the grading scale.  I'm working at it, but it.is.tough.

So, that's my theory.  I haven't been homesick that many times considering how long we've been out here and how far away we are.  But, when it hits, it hits hard.  Realizing that it's a matter of mathematics has actually helped because that means I CAN survive.  I WILL have enough SHARED experiences, eventually, to help me feel like I'm not a fish out of water. 

I guess today, Dory from Finding Nemo would like my analogy.  She would wink at me and say, "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming." 

Favorite Fridays~Our House

We moved in the week after returning from our honeymoon in Quebec City.  
I got tendonitis in my arm during the move,
I felt awkward and foreign in our new home.
But then we painted, 
And soon I learned that the faucets in the bathroom turned the wrong way.
We got two black kitties.
It became our home.

Swirling staircases,
Peeling paint on the porch,
A country kitchen,
With a window to the north.

A window; right next to my coffee pot, 
The first thing I see in the morning is:
Snow flying, 
Rain pouring,
Fog rolling,
The sun or moon glowing.

An office; still painted mint green today,
We thought we'd change it, but never did.
In that office I heard dad say that Grandma Ev was no longer with us;
And years later, my mom say that my dad was now gone too.

A living room; with the grape vine stencil border~my labor of love.
I also labored there for 17 hours before going to the hospital to have Evie.
There we rocked Evie when we brought her home,
Brought her home from specialist appointments,
From surgeries, 
From chemo.  
In that living room we felt the joy and pain of love.

A bathroom upstairs; once Pepto Bismol pink,
I was in there doing my hair when Jeff told me
Grandpa Turk had suffered a stroke, 
And just over a year later, it was in that same room he told me
Our niece Emma had been born.
Kitties rattle the door knob to get in to that room,
But then "meow" with agony when the door shuts them in.

The kitchen with floor to ceiling cupboards and ceramic tile counters, 
It's the first room I fell in love with.
Carving pumpkins, doing crafts on snow days, making popcorn.
Success with a recipe; and failure at times.
I was never afraid to fail in that kitchen,
It was a place where you could just try again.

The front porch...a small room filled with Oz;
Coffee in the morning, and a good book in the evening.
A place to listen to church bells, 
To smell the summer rains,
To sleep in the cold, crisp air when Evie had croup.

Our house felt like a stranger 12 years ago;
But feels like a best friend today.

We have grown up here;
Woken up to dark days, and suffered through painful nights, 
But felt God with us through it all...
Here, in this house.

We have celebrated here;
Enjoyed the company of friends and family; laughed, sang, and danced,
And known God was the one who blessed us with it all...
Here, in this house.