Free Falling, Pulling the Chord, or Crashing...

I struggle...I never know if I'm a risk-taker, a wuss, or a wreck. And I'm so fickle, that I tend to switch between all three within seconds of each other. The only problem is, you can't change your mind that many times and make life work. There's a law of physics: Objects in motion tend to stay in motion...

This "change of mind" can cause quite a wretch to my soul and a disjointing jolt to my system. Since I have found myself in a free-fall from time to time, enjoying myself quite a bit in a leisurely, care-free, downward spiral (people often encourage me to "lighten up" "not take things so seriously" etc. etc.--and I'll admit to enjoying myself when I do...) when I take a look around during my free-fall and see the ground rushing at me, and the trees looming larger: I FREAK!!! Did I miss the mark? Am I still on target? Will I still be able to catch the prize? As I rip the chord and feel the yank of the parachute open--I feel my body seize with tension. Tammie, you lost your head! What were you thinking?

Let's look at a big weakness of mine. Shopping. It's definitely my addiction. When I walk into a store and smell it's intoxicating fragrance (that's usually in Abercrombie or The Buckle, when I hear the music thumping (usually a tune that I don't know, but makes me feel twenty-something again), and when I see the pretty new styles of the season...sultry new color combinations that raise my blood pressure, and flowing-fluttery fabrics that whisper of femininity and youth~ah...that really helps the serotonin release.

For a while, I was doing well at not buying just to buy. But, lately, I had lost some significant weight and things needed to be a little smaller. I had to go out shopping! Suddenly, I was out the door of the airplane, spread eagle, FREE-FALLING!!!!! Oh, the joy~the freedom~the beauty and majesty of it all...

But~whoa-nellie!!!! This is wrong! I was trying to find joy in things again. Somehow I was trying to fill an emptiness in my life, a hole in my heart with a pretty top, or delicate earrings, or fantastically-fitting jeans. What were those THINGS going to actually do for me?

QUICK~yank that chord!!! I pull the chord...I turn tail and run from the mall...but am I free??? Did I really just fix anything?

No...I am still falling, just at a more controlled speed. I am still missing whatever it was that I was seeking in those items. I am still not-complete~still not whole.

It looks like I'm going to crash. But here is where I can determine my final destination. I have already jerked myself senseless by defying gravity and pulling that chord, so I have to shake the blurriness from my mind. Okay...Tammie...think...where can you land that will be safe? How can you crash into something that will not mean death, dismemberment or damage?

I then see it...the ultimate place to land...

GRACE...

His grace is sufficient for me. It's the ultimate place to land. It will wash away my sin, my iniquities, my transgressions. His grace will comfort me and fill that emptiness inside me.

I will, no doubt, fall or jump out of a plane again. I will FREAK OUT! That is who I am. I will see my faults and pull the chord...and His grace will be there for my landing. What Wondrous Love is that???

Today in church we sang a song that has become a part of my soul~How Deep the Father's Love for Us by Stuart Townsend~ "It was my sin that held Him there, until it was accomplished; His dying breath has brought me life, I know that it is finished."

This feels to me like a rambling piece of clumsy words...but I'm praying for it to communicate what God intends it to. I'm praying that those who need to read it, can and do. I'm praying that the next time you or I find ourselves in another rapid free fall, we remember that it WAS accomplished, that it IS finished, and that we ARE His treasure.