Laceration

Again, our innocence lost.

A laceration of our most playful souls.

A deep mourning so we change.

Written in response to writing prompt:  Laceration

The Bride Wore Orange

La Maríee- 1950 Marc Chagall

The bride wore orange

and her groom adored

while the goat played swaying melodies

   on the cello in blue.

The groom stole a kiss

unseen by the fish 

who hovered over darkened rooftops

   on the night sky in blue.

The shadows danced

and she laid down her hands

while white-veiled she smiled 

   through the shades of blue.

I took an Art and ELA class for continuing ed credits and we were asked to write what the painting made us think of.  I was sitting fairly far back in the room and just decided to write a poem about LITERALLY what I could see happening.  :)

Can You be an Advocate and Still be a Christian? ~ Guest Blogging Day

There were also two others, criminals, led with Him to be put to death.  And when they had come to the place called Calvary, there they crucified Him, and the criminals, one on the right hand and the other on the left.  Then Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do.”

And they divided His garments and cast lots. And the people stood looking on. But even the rulers with them sneered, saying, “He saved others; let Him save Himself if He is the Christ, the chosen of God.”

Luke 23: 32-35 NKJV

Advocate: A person who speaks or writes in support or defense of a person, cause, etc., a person who pleads for or in behalf of another, an intercessor (dictionary.com)

Lately, as I've been sitting in church and listening to sermons, or taking a walk and listening to a podcast, I have been bombarded by messages that make me question my purpose as an advocate for my daughter who has special needs.  

I've received the message that God wants us to put others before ourselves.

I've received the message that God wants us to LOVE His people (which includes everyone...even those I may not necessarily "like".)

I've received the message that, when I make the world about ME, I am taking my eyes off God.

Logically I started to question my motives in EVERYTHING.  

• Is this about me?
• Is this just about my kid?
• Am I advocating out of FEAR or am I actually making the difference that GOD wants me to make?

CAN I BE AN ADVOCATE AND STILL BE A CHRISTIAN?

Continue reading on Comfort in the Midst of Chaos...

I wore yellow

A week has past since you left us;

We breathe in and we breathe out.

The sun has fully eclipsed;

And followed it's measured route.

On that day I wore yellow;

And my top had a hood.

These are the things I remember,

When remembering is good.

In many ways we're the same,

As we were a week ago.

Same bedtime stories and mealtimes, 

Same popcorn snack and TV shows.

And today while I drank my coffee, 

God made it quite clear, 

I wore yellow that day on purpose:

So you wouldn't feel fear.

I wore the color of the sun

As you drifted off to sleep, 

I wore the color of the butterflies

After which you'd bound and leap.

A week has past since you left us;

And like a wildfire burns,

We still have hot spots and smoldering,

But we're containing the vicious hurt.  

I will think of you tomorrow,

Our memories will never fade.

Because you always found the sunshine, 

And you never liked the shade.

Dear, Nori ~ Entry 2 of my Journal

Dear, Nori~

I kind of had a break through yesterday.  You know how we shared our mornings together?  Buddy (Jinxy) would wake us both up waaaay too early, but then you and I would sit back down together after I'd fed you both, and you'd talk to me and I'd drink my coffee.  Well, since you've been gone, I've hated the mornings.  I had an ache in my stomach so big and empty that I didn't want to eat, and the smell of the coffee would make me panic because it signaled the start of another day without you here.

I went from being a morning person to being a sad girl who only wanted to sleep the day away.

Of course I couldn't, I had to get up and walk up those stairs at 5:45 for Evie, because I knew that she needed me to be "normal," as much as possible anyway.

So, what happened yesterday?

Well, remember how much I loved to sing at church?  I had accepted the opportunity to fill in this weekend for student ministries worship.  I didn't know at the time that I accepted that our world was about to be turned upside down by losing you.  And, since you've been gone, I haven't felt much like singing.  I haven't felt much like praising.  I haven't felt much like living.

But, yesterday, I suddenly realized I NEEDED to practice because I hadn't learned any of the music. So, as I drove to pick up Evie Jo from school, I plugged my iPhone into the stereo in the car and started playing the set list.

Oh.my.goodness.

God knew what he was doing when he lined up the stars and got me to say "yes" to singing this weekend.  I'm sure they planned the set list weeks ago, but here is the first song I am scheduled to lead.

Nori, can you believe it?  The lyrics were God speaking directly to me:

Tammie, how you WAKE in the morning sets your tone for the day.  When you WAKE, you must have hope, you must call on me first and fore-most.  I know you loved your mornings with Nori...she is still with you in spirit.  Just as you can't SEE ME, and you can't see and feel her physically, she is forever with you and I AM FOREVER WITH YOU.  Let this eternal love break through your darkness.  REJOICE and HAVE HOPE for this type of love NEVER fades.

I needed that so much, Nori.  I needed to know that "moving on" didn't mean forgetting you.  I needed to know that washing the blanket you died in didn't take you any further from us.  I needed PERMISSION to get stronger and start to heal.

I'm going to pray now, the way we did together when I read my devotions with you in the morning:

Dear God, thank you for sending music to help me start to heal.  Thank you for helping me WAKE this morning with some hope in my heart.  Hope enough to drink my coffee.  Hope enough to eat a granola bar.  Hope enough to laugh through my tears.  Thank you, God for creating this eternal love which will never die even though our bodies die.  Amen.

I love you, Nori.  I'm sure I'll have more to say later.  Jinxy was dancing to this song with Evie and I last night as we practiced for this weekend.  I'm sure you know that, though, because I know you were with us too.

Love, Mommy. xoxoxo 

On Nori's Last Day ~ Miracle 1

Once she started losing weight, I added a towel to her favorite windowsill so she could

sunbathe every morning.

The vet had already explained to us what he was about to do.  Evie and I sat on a little couch in the room, and Jeff was on a chair across from us.  I held Nori on my lap in the throw-blanket from our bed at home...she always laid on my lap swaddled in that blanket while we watched TV at night.

The vet put the needle into the cath on Nori's little front paw.  As he slowly squeezed the syringe Nori's head just quietly sunk deep onto my arm.  That fast.  He had hardly injected anything before she started to slip away.

She was laying so peacefully as he listened to her heart.  I was waiting for him to say she was gone...but he didn't he just said, "Take your time."

"Is she gone?"  I asked.

"Yes.  Yes.  Her heart is no longer beating.  There is no more brain activity."

The vet left the room and Jeff came closer to Evie and Nori and I.

I sobbed.  I didn't know what else to do.  My heart ached, it felt like it would shatter into a thousand pieces.

Suddenly, Evie started to say, "The next day the hippopotamus taught our class."

I stopped crying.  It was the last bedtime story we read every night to Evie...the story we have read every night for the past five years.  "A Hippopotamus Ate Our Teacher."

"That's a perfect idea, Evie."  I said.

So we continued together, "It taught us math, and history, and geometry...it read us stories...".

We finished reciting the rest of the book.

It was one final bedtime story for Nori.  What a miracle.  What a blessing.  What a light in such darkness.  I would have never felt there was closure; would have never known how to "end" my cries of "Nori, I love you.  I love you so much."  But, Evie knew.  Just read her a bed time story.

Revelation 21:3-4 And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God.  He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”

The Luscious Lies We're Fed ~ Guest Blogging Day

But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed. 

Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; 

and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death. 

James 1:14-15, NKJV

Dear Mom and/or Dad, 

You're being fed a lie.  

Pinterest tells us:

• When it's real, you can't walk away.
• Do something today that your future self will thank you for.
• Maybe it's not about trying to fix something broken.  Maybe it's about starting over and creating something better.
• Do your things and don't care if they like it.  (This quote is actually credited to Tina Fey)
• If it makes you happy, no one else's opinion should matter.

These lovely quotes fall under the category of INSPIRATION or MOTIVATION when you search your favorite social media sites.

You're being fed a lie.

What those lines should actually be categorized as is: Easiest ways to destroy your life, Narcissism 101, or 5 ways to ensure you are unsatisfied with your current situation.

You're being fed a lie.

The TRUTH is: even if "it's real," you could walk away if you chose to. Doing something today just because it feels good to YOU could hurt everyone you love. Walking away from something broken and "starting over to create something better"...well, you tell me what that sounds like when you apply it to certain situations in your "broken" life.

WE'RE BEING FED A BIG, FAT VAT FULL OF LUSCIOUS LIES...

Continue reading on Comfort in the Midst of Chaos...

Don't Cry Over Spilled Skinny Chai Tea Latte

Evie rings the Bell at the BELL Academy after Telling her Friends about an Accomplishment of Hers

We left the BELL Academy,

(Six hours of braille mixed with play),

Drove down the highway;  off to speech!-

It was a "special needs" kind of day.

"I think we'll get there early," I say, 

Because no traffic did we find...

"So at Starbucks we will pitstop, 

A skinny chai tea latte, I won't mind."

We swiftly grab my order, 

I smile and take a deep cleansing breath,

"Ev, we're still getting there early,"

A relaxed feeling that I rarely get.

I imagined slowly sipping 

My skinny chai tea latte in the waiting room,

I had been waiting for this priceless moment 

Since I woke this morning, now it was SOON!

Excitedly we pulled all

Our belongs from the car,

In the door and there's Ms. Vicki - 

My skinny chai tea latte moment wasn't far.

Evie hoisted her proud new BELL bag

Over her shoulder while standing up,

And that pesky cinch sac swung too wide and

Assaulted my Starbucks cup!

The wise green mermaid didn't cry,

As she bounced upon the floor, 

But I yelled, "No!" and fought back tears, 

My skinny chai tea latte was now no more.

I felt frustration fiercely beating

At the doors behind my eyes,

I knew my emotions were just selfish,

"Tammie, do NOT let yourself cry."

My daughter couldn't help it, 

And she today had her OWN fill,

Of the constant call of courage 

As she fought her OWN dragons...

but still...

This momma was already feeling worn,

Today she felt under attack,

So a spilled skinny chai tea latte,

Was the straw that broke this momma's back.

This poem is dedicated to all my fellow parents who have cried over what SEEMS to be the silliest thing...

My Beautiful Feet ~ Guest Blogging Day

Image courtesy of Sura Nualpradid/www.freedigitalphotos.net

And how are they to preach unless they are sent? 

As it is written, “How beautiful are the feet of those 

who preach the good news!"

 Romans 10:15 ESV

Paul is quoting from Isaiah when he writes to the Romans about the beautiful feet of those who bring good news.  I had never really been "caught up" in this verse before, but a pastor at our church referenced it a couple of weekends ago, and I was on worship team that weekend, so I heard it four different times and it snuck deep inside my heart.

• I want to be beautiful.  
• I want to have an impact.
• I want to change the world. 

But, how can I do that as and still be a wife, daughter, mother (of a child with special needs) and substitute teacher?  I'm a sister, cousin, and friend.  

How can I do it all?

Continue reading on Comfort in the Midst of Chaos...

A Good Punch in the Face

Image courtesy of num_skyman/www.freedigitalphotos.net

I've never punched anyone in the face...

Let's get that clear right now.  

But I've wanted to.  In those very "Ally McBeal" moments when you picture yourself following through on your basic animal instincts to lash out at anyone near you when you are injured or threatened...oh, yes...I have wanted to punch many people in the face.

the 8th grade classmate who said, "Tammie, the only reason you get good grades is because you don't have any friends".

the 8th grade classmate who wrote me a note saying that she wanted to become popular that year, and that meant she couldn't be friends with me anymore.  (yeah, 8th grade sucked).

the people who typed the anonymous letters from graduate schools and turned me down because of my GRE scores (although I'm glad you did because I never would have started dating my husband had you accepted me at THOSE schools).

everyone who worked at the Gerber Grow-Up plan because I got a letter from you in December 2004 saying that our daughter couldn't get life insurance through you...(hmmm...a rare disease does that, I guess...hence, why you were forthwith known as the Gerber THROW UP plan).

a couple of Wisconsin's 'civil servants' whose names appeared on letters declining Evie for some county services.  That was unfortunate...but, the courts overturned your decision. :P

the parents who shush their children when they ask me very logical and appropriate "children type" questions about Evie.  Your SHUSH communicates shame...and there is no shame about my daughter.  Your SHUSH is what makes her question what IS SO wrong.

the lady at McDonald's who approached me as we frantically were trying to usher Evie out of the restaurant during a wicked meltdown after a long day of traveling....you approach me and all you do is suggest fish oil for my child's behaviors?  Open the friggin' door for us and help us OUT!

the old man who told me I should have folded up Evie's white cane BEFORE boarding the plane because it was a nuisance for him.  Clearly you don't understand WHY we use a white cane...it's HOW we GET on the plane.

the eye doctors who have treated Evie as if she has no intelligence and that we shouldn't even be in your office...well, guess what...we aren't in your office anymore.  It's actually worth flying back to Wisconsin to see our eye doctor THERE, 1,800 miles from home; than drive two hours and waste our time on you.

I didn't have to, and don't have to, punch any of these people in the face.  They are of no consequence to us.  

This is a great big world, and we serve a GREAT BIG GOD and because of His victory WE have victory.

Today.

No punching required.

Written in response to writing prompt 182 on thewriteprompts.com 

We Interrupt Your Regularly Scheduled Life ~ Guest Blogging Day

Evie in the Hospital following her Wilms Tumor diagnosis in 2005

When he had finished speaking, he said to Simon, 

“Put out into deep water, 

and let down the nets for a catch.”

Simon answered, 

“Master, we’ve worked hard all night 

and haven’t caught anything. 

But because you say so, I will let down the nets.”

Luke 5: 4-6 NIV

This past weekend I had the pleasure of attending a conference in Redding, CA called GrowU.  One of the "top billed" speakers of the event was Chris Brown, who is one of my favorite storytellers because he has a tremendous gift for bringing scripture to life.  

On Saturday night he retold the story of Jesus choosing his first disciples.  And, when Mr. Brown re-tells this story, you suddenly realize how God chooses us today in the very same way as He chose people back in biblical times.  

When you read Luke 5, you read about some fishermen who are cleaning their nets and Jesus asks Simon to take him out in his boat so he can speak to a crowd who has gathered on the shore.  Now, fishermen fish at night, which means, if Simon was in and cleaning his nets, he had just been out fishing all night long.  

Working hard.  

He was exhausted. 

And Jesus comes along and says, "Hey, can you take me out in your boat?"

Ugh.

Continue reading on Comfort in the Midst of Chaos...

"Come on, God! Let me Worship in Peace!" ~ Guest Blogging Day

God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in the Spirit and in truth.” John 4:24 NIV 

I found myself in unfamiliar waters on Saturday of last week.  We had tickets to see Chris Tomlin's Worship Night in America here in Reno and we had been looking forward to it for MONTHS!

However, after a sleepless night with one of my elderly cats who was having...eh-hem...intestinal issues, and a long day of watching BOTH my cats refuse food; my husband also wound up on crutches with a chronic foot injury, and I was looking at my jam-packed schedule trying to determine when I'd carve out time to get my cats to the vet (hoping it would NOT be to put a cat to sleep!).

I was pretty ticked off with the whole world...

Continue reading on Comfort in the Midst of Chaos... 

Mrs. Hefty and Mrs. Ulrich Go the Museum

Today my friend Katie took Evie to breakfast and then for some playtime with her kids, so my mom and I enjoyed a morning walk along the Truckee Riverwalk in Reno, and then we took in the Nevada Museum of Art.

Our first stop was Riverwalk, and I must say, it was beautiful. Not only are the trees blossoming, and the cold waters rushing, but the ducks and birds are plentiful and playful.  If anyone questions the beauty of Reno; they need not look much farther than the heart of downtown with the dazzling architecture, blue skies, abundant and diverse bridges arching over the rushing Truckee River...and the ART along the way...fabulous~oh, and did I mention that the entire town is surrounded by the snowcapped mountains of the Sierra Nevadas?

We new our time was limited at the river, however, since we had to get to the museum and give ourselves enough time to take in the various collections on display.

The first collection we took in was appropriately inspired by sightings of random UFO phenomena.  It was well done with alternating portraits which, at first glance, seemed ordinary, but upon closer observation contained hidden alien or UFO figures.  In between each portrait was a photo of flying saucers, or, mysterious orbs and discs that were seen floating in the sky.  I loved it!  Very X-Files.

Another remarkable collection were works of art by Maynard Dixon.  I recognized several of the pieces as ones that had been on display during the Tahoe exhibit I fell in love with at the museum a year ago.  Mom and I now feel like we are EXPERTS on Maynard Dixon...and, well, his entire family history as well as his love of the Tahoe area.

I had to pull out my phone and do a quick Google search to answer a question I had about another exhibit, the collection of John and MaryLou Paxton.  As we were leaving this exhibit, we saw embossed on the wall, "In Loving Memory of Bill Paxton, 1955-2017").  Sure enough, these were late actor Bill Paxton's parents.

Go figure, but our lovely trip to the museum gave me a new idea for what to do during our annual trip to Las Vegas with our friends this fall.  Seven Magic Mountains is a two year display in the desert south of Las Vegas.  This fall will be our last chance to see it before it's gone!  It looks absolutely magical!!!

Finally, The Altered Landscape is not to be missed.  How can we deny that our very existence has impacted the world both for good AND bad.  God made an unfathomable universe, and yet He plopped us here on the planet earth to inhabit it, tend to it, and live off it.  We marvel at its beauty, and we tremble at its brutality.  We delight in its liveliness and we fear its inevitable destruction.  But, we are promised that there will be a new Heaven and a new Earth and that those will last forever...unalterable, and indestructible.

Another fun day with my mom here visiting.  It will be hard to have her leave next week, the time always go by too quickly.  Evie has been giving her a good butt-whooping at their annual Spring Break Bunco Tournament too.  Every morning I get to hear Evie ringing the Bunco Bell and announcing her triumph over G'ma Jack.  :)

As my closing thought, and for your viewing pleasure, you can enjoy the sight and sounds of the Truckee River today.

A Much Needed Day at Lake Tahoe

So, this is a "trial run" at updating my BLOG with just a daily activity kind of post.  I'm attempting to leave Facebook and will be trying to keep people updated on our exciting events in the Wild West writing about our Hefty Adventures here.  This way I can focus on writing more in-depth rather than "just the facts".  I've found that Facebook is no longer the place I want to spend my time, and it has a way of drawing us in and AWAY from the REAL WORLD around us.  We need SKIN!  We need EXPERIENCES...the virtual world messes up my mind and I forget how many things I have to be thankful for.

Like my happy place...Lake Tahoe.  Today we left town at 9:30 AM and were sitting down to lunch at The Gunbarrel in South Lake Tahoe at 11:00.  We certainly beat the rush.  It was like a little sleepy town.  There was outdoor music and fire pits, but we elected to eat indoors.  (We weren't really dressed for outdoor dining at this point in the season.)

After lunch we drove around the south shore of the Lake Tahoe toward our favorite, Emerald Bay.  We had yet to see the damage from the big fire they had there last fall, and boy did it clear a view of Lake Tahoe like we had never seen before.   The vista point at Emerald Bay was un-shoveled, but that didn't stop us from climbing up on a good 4-5 foot tall snowbank to walk toward the overlook.  It was beautiful, chilly and free of BEES!!!

Our drive along the southwest shore to the north took us through the winding roads where snow piles were, at times as tall as the street light poles!  We saw the trees that had died after they came crashing down the mountainside after the heavy, intense snowfalls of this past winter.  It was amazing, and awe-inspiring to consider the power of the snow and water and how they can fell a tree or dislodge a boulder which has stood strong for decades.

This photo is courtesy of my mom!  Great shot!

Evie was a peach during our drive.  She wanted reassurance that I wasn't about to sneak in a shopping-stop on her...she HATES SHOPPING!  No, I assured her, this was just to take in the beauty of the Lake.

And that is just what we did.  We arrived in Tahoe City and mom got out to take pictures of the dam by the museum where the lake feeds the river.  Just a year ago, that bed lay dry, but not today.  It was gurgling and churning and as blue as blue can be.  Turquoise, even.

Also my mom's handiwork.
The photo...she didn't build the dam.

As always, Lake Tahoe was a good get away for me today.  After the stress of dealing with an ailing elder kitty (our little Nori), I needed a day to take in God's beauty and to remember His constant presence in our lives, and just how much He loves us.  After years of drought, He has once again brought rebirth and renewal to Lake Tahoe...would He not do the same for us?

Fight Night ~ The Battle with Braille

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to The Ring! Tonight we will see the anticipated match-up of Hefty verses Braille.  This highly anticipated fight is brought to you after years of training, and lots of education, sweat and tears.  The opponents are in their corners and reading to come out swinging; so get ready for an exciting battle.

Bong!  Round 1:  

I heard it first at the Parents of Visually Impaired Pre-Schoolers conference, "Start Braille early."  It will be a challenge, but we need Braille in our arsenal of weapons as our child is at risk of losing her vision.  

Jab, jab...

No problem.  We have a great system and are already learning tactile discrimination in our home visits from the Vision Specialist.

Thwack...

Easy peasy.  

Floored.

Better get some water...I'm already sweating.

Bong!   Round 2:  

Oh, yeah.  We are rocking you, Braille!  I'm even using sidewalk chalk to make Braille cells in our driveway and having our daughter jump to different letters to show-off her awesome memorization of the Braille code! 

Jab, upper-cut...

Another new TVI this year?  Hmmm...it's tough to learn when the teacher isn't the same each year...

Wait!  It's October now and our daughter hasn't had any Braille services yet this school year?

Ooof!  Stars burst in front of my eyes.  I shake the cobwebs from my head.

It's okay.  It's okay.  Just got a phone call and the district finally found a teacher.  Her services will start soon again and we'll be caught up.

Saved by the bell.

I need to towel off...the sweat is running into my eyes and I can hardly see straight.  That punch landed right where it hurt!

Bong!  Round 3:  

So, 90 minutes of Braille instruction a week...and it's hard to spread them out because the teachers are pulled to so many schools and over-worked and hard to find, so we're doing ALL 90 minutes at once. How many 6 year olds can stay focused for 90 minutes on BRAILLE?  

Ouch!  It feels like my nose just exploded.  How did I not see that coming?

BUT at least we're getting services, right?  I should be happy about that.  Grateful.

End of the school year...saved by the bell again.

I stumble to my corner and sit wearily on my stool.  This Braille is a tough opponent.  I need to build my strategy better.

Bong!  Round 4:

Yeah...that's right.  I'm coming for you Braille.  I'm taking a class on-line so I can learn all about you and THEN we'll see who will knock out WHOM!  

Got my own slate and stylus.  Look at me!  I know my stuff!  I'm at the head of the class.  Now I can help my daughter with her homework and we will be FINE!

Jab, cross, upper-cut.

Boom.  Floored ya, Braille.  

How you like momma now?

I strut over to my corner; don't even need to sit down, I'm on FIRE!!!

Bong!  Round 5:  

There's my girl...she's getting 30 minutes A DAY of Braille.  She still can't read it with her fingers very well, but she's learning the code like a champ!  We're Brailling her class Valentines and she's loving it.  

Speed Bag...look at us now!

Jab, jab....Jib-Jab!

Hmmm...you're surprisingly strong, my opponent...and we're caught in a CLINCH.  

The ref calls it, and we hear the bell.

Bong!  Round 6:

New state, new rules.  They "suggest" a school for our daughter that has more students who are learning Braille.  I say, "No.  She's already made friends here, she's already bonded to her teachers.  We just moved her half way across the country.  No way.  That's not inclusion." 

Okay then...30 minutes of Braille a week.  Wait, a WEEK?  Well, ummmm...okay....I guess we'll just work harder at home.

Jab.

Would that type of instruction be acceptable for learning to read print?

Bam!

Would that amount of time be okay regarding any other GENERAL education requirement?

Thwack, wam!

Now we've moved it to 60 minutes every OTHER week?  

SLAM!!!!

"She's behind.  She's not learning it.  She's not practicing."  

I'm dizzy.  I'm stumbling.  I can't form the words that I need to express how I'm feeling.

Saved (?) by the bell....

I crawl to my corner.  I'm on the floor with my arm draped on the ropes.  My coach is pouring water into my mouth and it runs down my chin and bleeds onto my top.  

I should have fought harder.  I should not have caved so quickly three years ago.  But now it's been three years, and the pattern has been established.  NOW, she's having to do so much to stay on top of her other classwork that I don't blame her for not wanting to work on this.  Why WOULD she prioritize learning something for a teacher she only sees two times a month at most?

I should have trained harder.  I know how to advocate.  But, when I'm fighting SO many battles for things like medicaid and good doctors, then some of the battles get written off as "the least of my concerns for now."  

A parent responds to my call for help from an on-line support group, "Of course they moved her to 30 minutes a week because no one can learn anything in that time, and eventually you'll stop trying, and THEY can stop teaching it."  

Another parent says their child had 60 minutes a day at my daughter's age...another says 90 minutes a day.  A DAY!

"Don't give up on Braille...you can't use technology when the power goes out."

Yes, yes...all so true.  And all adding to the cacophony in my brain.

How many times did I get hit?  Can I stand up again?  I really just want to close my eyes and go to sleep.

Bong!  Round 7 is about to begin...and I'm spent.

Is It Meaningless or Is It Success? Guest Blogging Day

To the person who pleases him, 

God gives wisdom, knowledge and happiness, 

but to the sinner he gives the task of gathering and storing up wealth to hand it over to the one who pleases God. 

This too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind. 

 Ecclesiastes 2:26 NIV

We are digging into Ecclesiastes 2 at our church and I couldn't be more fascinated by it.  King Solomon, who wrote the book, would have been considered "successful" by most worldly standards, especially at that time in history.  Yet, in this memoir, you find that he has deemed most of the riches he has amassed, the hours he toiled, the wives and concubines he had claimed...he realized that it was all MEANINGLESS and brought him no closer to any sort of joy in his heart of hearts. 

In reading through his dilemma, we start to wonder for ourselves, WHAT IS SUCCESS?  

As a mom, a wife, a writer, an advocate, a teacher, daughter, citizen...where will I find my scale that shows me how much JOY or SUCCESS I have achieved?  

I'll be talking more about this topic in my future posts, I'm sure, because pride and success is something I definitely struggle with~but, yesterday afternoon I had the SWEETEST aroma of "success" that I wanted to share it and give God the glory.

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Stop, Think and Feel ~ Guest Blogging Day

Whoever is patient has great understanding, 

but one who is quick-tempered displays folly.  

Proverbs 14:29 NIV

God has been working on me and my patience as I've gotten older. He continues to show me more and more of how foolish I appear when I am angry. A recent sermon that I heard at our church was on the topic of anger and how to rid your life of anger. It was tremendous because the most important thing I gleaned from that sermon was the fact that my ANGER is ALWAYS the band-aid on top of a different emotion.  

Take for example my experience recently in trying to start a dialogue with a number of different people in our state assembly or even those in my own city regarding Rare Disease Day. I had sent in my proclamation request to the state in the month of November and had e-mailed a number of different people in the middle of January trying to drum up enthusiasm for the event. However, I found that I wasn't getting responses from anyone!

I was so ANGRY. I had that feeling of, "Of course, here we go...no one cares."

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When a Friend Speaks the Truth ~ Guest Blogging Day

Kathryn with Evie

Many are the plans in a person's heart,

but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails.

Proverbs 19:21 NIV

I was driving home from the hospital with my baby girl in the car.  My heart was racing and my blood pressure was high.  How could God do this to us?  Just when we had reached the finish-line of chemo...boom, another punch in the gut.

I dialed my friend Kathryn and she answered.

"Can you believe it, Kathryn?  We just finished chemo and now she has pneumonia?  Oh my gosh, are you kidding me?"  I say in response to her, "Hello".

"Tammie Jo," she replied, "This is your life...stop waiting for it to change."

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Preparing for the Flood ~ Guest Blogging Day

Mount Rose in Reno Nevada

Trust in the Lord forever, 

for the Lord, the Lord himself, 

is the Rock eternal.  

Isaiah 26:4 NIV

Last week my family arrived back home to Nevada from our vacation in Florida with just enough time to make a run to the grocery store for food and supplies before the torrential rains hit Northern Nevada and California.  On our first week "back to school" after winter break, our first day was cancelled, the following two days consisted of late starts due to closed roads which had flooded and high schools being turned into shelters for evacuees, and icy roads as the temperatures were dropping and still more precipitation was falling.  School was again cancelled on Thursday and we had another delayed start on Friday.

Continue reading on Comfort in the Midst of Chaos...