Failure to Fail

Since today is my "first" official day of blogging (outside of my random moments of inspiration over the past several years) without a pre-determined topic assigned by WEGO Health, it stands to reason that I feel a small morsel of trepidation as I boldly go where I have never gone before.  But really, what have I to fear?  I'm not losing money by blogging on a free website.  I'm not going to be hauled off by secret police for my beliefs. So where is the risk that would cause me any fear?

It's actually right inside of me; my fear is the fear of failure.
 

That being said, I'm going to take a look at my life if it were "failure free." Where would I be today if I failed to ever fail?
 

Probably my first sense of failure, although I had undoubtedly failed many times before it, came from my ACT score.  I was going to graduate from high school with a 4.0 GPA...that was a straight A average at the time (I believe it is no longer the same).  When my ACT score came back I  scored in the low 20's; I could not mask my disappointment.  I knew that I was a hard worker, not necessarily just a "smart" kid, but I didn't imagine that I would score so low on a test that would ultimately determine my acceptance into a variety of colleges. 

Of course I mentally beat myself up, and believed myself to be quite a failure when I received my score.  I applied to "safe" schools which I figured would still "accept" me despite my low ACT score.  What if I hadn't done that?  Where would I be today?  I met some of my closest friends in undergraduate school.  I'm still, twenty years later, close to my roommates, and my "floor mates" and even the glorious friends who accepted me "on-campus" despite my living "off campus" at the residential college residence hall.  But, what was the biggest thing about where I went to school for my undergrad?  I met my husband there.  Oh, sure, we didn't date seriously there; he was a few years older, and he graduated soon after we met, but God had a plan.  What if I wouldn't have "failed" at my ACT?  Where would I have met Jeff?

Again, I fell victim to the dreaded standardized test when I took the GRE to go on to graduate school after completing my undergraduate degree.  I graduated from college with a 3.8 GPA, but my GRE scores were quite low.  Still I applied to three schools for graduate studies.  I was rejected by two of them and the third accepted me.  I would be moving to Milwaukee, WI. I didn't know anyone in Milwaukee, and it would be several hours to drive from my family, but I trusted that God had a plan.  When I ran into my "future husband" at a wedding for mutual friends I explained to him that I'd be in Milwaukee soon~and wasn't that close to Madison where he lived?  He explained to me that he had just moved to Milwaukee himself a few months before.  Hmmmm....God had a plan.  Where would I be right now if I had been accepted to the U of M in Minnesota, or to Chapel Hill in North Carolina?  What if I hadn't failed?
 

Old School Photo from a Badger Football game!

I could write about jobs that I applied for and didn't get.  I could write about jobs that I accepted; jobs where I never did quite as well as I'd hoped.  Doesn't everyone have a story of failure?  Yes, everyone does.  But, does everyone look at what would have happened had she NOT failed?  What would she have missed?  What would I have missed?

So, here I am, 38; finally trying my hand at writing...REALLY writing, daily writing, scheduled time to commit to my writing (just like a job, right?).  What can it hurt?  Could I fail?  Sure.  But, failure has led me to great things in my past. 

God has a plan.  He always has a plan.  My failures could very well be God's bragging rites.  He might have my ACT and GRE scores hanging on his fridge in Heaven saying, "Look at that...just like I knew she could do.  It got her EXACTLY where I meant for her to be."

F.I.T. Forever in Training

F.I.T....Forever In Training...

Is it just me, or does life itself keep us fit?  I as thinking about this as I worked out today...pardon the rambling trail~try to stay with me...

I've been doing the Chalean Extreme program now since September.  It's a 90 day program of weight-lifting and cross-training the way the "pros" train.  These can be "work until you puke" kinds of workouts.  Sometimes I can't brush my teeth because I can't lift my arms.  But I LOVE the challenge, and I LOVE to see the results and feel how strong I'm becoming.  So, I keep doing it over and over again.

I told Jeff the other day:  "Each time I do these workouts I think to myself...'This workout feels different because now that I'm stronger, I hold my posture and positions differently which then makes the exercise even more effective so then I get stronger still!'"

Isn't that just the way life is?  We have been woven together by our loving God who designed us in such a way to grow stronger and stronger as we undergo duress so that we come back and can fight again another day. 

God didn't just throw WAGR Syndrome in at me and say, "Here you go!  Let's see how you handle this!!!" Instead, he gave me a family that had my Uncle Joel...a family that had chosen to take home their baby boy with Down Syndrome even when it wasn't the typical way things were done.  I grew up going to my mom's room at Washington, and then Lake Elmo and working and playing with the kids who lived with multiple disabilities.  My sister and I danced at the ARC dances with Kyle, Joel, Lisa, Jerri, Alice, Kathy, Mary Kay...and so many more awesome friends.

Stronger...then I was in school, and I was picked on.  I was awkward and nerdy and quick to cry~the perfect target.  I wanted to leave school.  I would wake up in the morning crying because I didn't want to go.  I enjoyed talking to my teachers more than talking to the other students because I was scared.  I knew I was different.  I knew that I wanted to bust out...I wanted to be fun...I wanted to not be awkward, but how do you change the way people already see you?

You become stronger...you go to college and join EVERYTHING!  And I did.  I tried to go to a school where there would be very few people who already knew me.  I didn't want to be the nerd...I wanted to be "fun"!  I think I was, too!!!  And, having been picked on in High School hopefully helped me become nicer to others~and maybe someday it will help me when I see other kids who are picked on~I can help them realize that there is hope for tomorrow, if they just can get through today.

Stronger...I went to grad school and learned to read statistics and data and lots of research.  Well...that certainly helps when learning about WAGR Syndrome.  :)  Not an accident.  Not "for nothing."  Am I using my degree?  You betcha.  Oh, and that's when Jeff and I started dating.  So, had I not gone to grad school...would there even be an Evie Jo?

This leads me to one big philosophical point...we are forever in training...we are NOT a product of evolution...I am not something that developed from a blob...I am an interconnected amazing system of DNA and RNA and replication and regeneration.  Oh my goodness.  God gave me a body that would store fat so I could nurse my baby girl and keep her healthy with my own antibodies~but then when she didn't need that anymore I could lift weights, breakdown muscle, metabolize that extra fat, and then build muscle back up again?  Are you kidding me? 

 I learn more and more every day.  And, I become stronger and stronger every day.  I am forever in training...mind, body and spirit.  Messing up, asking forgiveness and trying again.  Learning more about the God who made me, learning about his love for me, and learning how best to serve Him.  It's never too late to start getting F.I.T. 

"Even now," declares the Lord, "return to me with all your heart, with fasting and weeping and mourning."  Rend your heart and not your garments.  Return to the Lord your God, for he is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love, and he relents from sending calamity."  Joel 2:12-13