Dancing on a His Grave...or Mine???

The world rejoiced last night...nations celebrated...people were dancing in the streets across the globe...

My heart leaped for joy. Jeff had come downstairs and said in an enthusiastic whisper, "Bin Laden's dead..."

Bin Laden's dead. It brought back the pain and uncertainty of 9/11/01. The scar in my soul glowed and seared just as Harry Potter's lightening bolt scar on his forehead did whenever Voldemort was around.

I relished reading the Facebook posts from my friends. My smile grew larger as I watched the smiles of those speaking on TV, discussing the recent announcements of who, what, where, when, why and how. When I woke in the morning; bleary-eyed and foggy, I soon remembered that the world was changed as I turned on the TV and rejoined the celebration.

But as I drove into work, I thought about it...What would Jesus do? He was the one nailed to the cross on the hill. He was the one who shed blood "once and for all" so that we could be justified in the eyes of our God and Creator. Would Jesus have chosen to abandon the cross had He only been asked to die for Osama Bin Laden???

Here is my answer: Matthew 6:32 [Jesus said] If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. 33 If you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. 34 If you lend to those from whom you hope to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, to receive back as much. 35 But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing back; and your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High; for he is kind toward the unthankful and evil. 36 Therefore be merciful, even as your Father is also merciful. 37 Don’t judge, and you won’t be judged. Don’t condemn, and you won’t be condemned. Set free, and you will be set free.

Oh boy...here I go again. I take one step forward and two steps back in my journey of faith everyday! I had been dancing on that man's grave, I had been spiking the ball in the end zone, I had whooping and hollering with joy...as Jesus hung bloodied and beaten on the cross for the likes of both Bin Laden and me...

So, tonight I sit with a repentant heart and ask God to cover me with mercy and love (once again...). Maybe this is why I find myself asking for forgiveness so often from others...because I find it hard to forgive others, so I also find it hard to forgive myself. I judge others harshly because I judge myself harshly. I hold others to ridiculously high standards because I hold myself to ridiculously high standards.

How can I change this? Maybe I never will. Maybe I will always be this way. But, if I continue on my journey, if I continue to learn from God's love, if I continue to open the door of my heart to God and others ~ maybe, just maybe I'll find that prize at the finish line. Only if I can forgive others will God forgive me. Then, and only then will I be dancing on a Grave ~ the grave belonging to the Old Tammie ~ dancing as the New Tammie ~ the grave of a Sinner being danced on by a Victor ~ the grave of a Slave being danced on by a Princess...

Yes, Bin Laden is dead. Vengeance belongs to God, and He will handle it according to His will. I need not worry that my God will carry through with swift, just, punishments ~ and from Him I will ask for mercy on my soul, my Dancing Soul...