Where Am I?

“In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength.” (Isaiah 30:15)

I know, I kind of disappeared. 

It was two days before Halloween. Our message series at church was Gods at War and it focused on all the things in this world that suck us in and distract us from the one true God. I was also in the midst of reading the book Goliath Must Fall by Louie Giglio, and God was speaking clearly to me about the pain and anxiety I was feeling as a result of wasting my time scrolling through social media. 

Social Media had turned into a Giant for me. It had become an idol in the sense that I allowed a large chunk of my "spare time" to be swallowed up by it. I was no longer reading. I was no longer writing. And, quite honestly, I was feeling bullied for my personal beliefs. 

Everyday I woke up and I let that Giant taunt me. I made excuses for why I NEEDED to stay on Facebook; people want to see Evie, and people need my positive stories and encouragement. But I'd "walk out" into Facebook-Land and find MYSELF being taunted and brought down by the negative narratives being slung around me and at me. I would go back and read and re-read and wonder how the world had gotten so sideways. But that's exactly how Satan wanted me to feel-confused, hopeless and overwhelmed. 

I got brave enough to finally say, "Enough is enough. There is more to this life than posting a picture of this event, or sharing a funny comment that Evie made. If this had happened even 12 years ago, no one would have heard me tell this story other than the friends who I see every day and the family who calls me on the phone. And that would have been perfectly fine!" 

I had already deleted the Facebook app off my phone a year ago, but still used it through Safari. I decided to delete my history so it wouldn't be something easy to pull up and then I committed to NEVER checking Facebook on my phone again. If I have pictures to share, I can put them on Instragram and share to Facebook through that. I also set up a 1 hour time limit of social media on my phone. Little did I know that also included text messaging and Facetime! 

But, guess what? Since doing that, I have decreased my phone use 33%. I have only come close to my social media limit (including texting) 3 days in the last month. My anxiety is down, and my connectedness to the people around me is up. I don't even charge my phone through out the day because the battery rarely runs low! 

So, to sum up, I only check Facebook once a week, if even that because I only do it when I work on my laptop. If you are looking to get a message to me, you can send it through Messenger. 

I thought leaving Facebook would be difficult, but it has been nothing short of miraculous for me. I thought maybe I'd get more active on it again after the first of the year, but, honestly, I don't miss it, and I don't think I want to! 

So, Where Am I? I'm back to being me.