Not My Ways...

Once upon a time, humanity had no pain, had no fear and had no shame.  But that all changed with a simple exchange that took place in a beautiful garden with flowing rivers, "You will not surely die. For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened and you will be like God, knowing good and evil." Genesis 3:4-5; and the woman decided to try to become like God.  Humanity lost it's innocence when the desire to play God was acted upon, and suddenly we knew pain, fear and shame.

Evie with her White Cane

 The curse of that first defiant act of sin was death.  The sin that was acted upon became the sin of generation, upon generation, upon generation.  We are born into sinful flesh and have a sin nature.  Each one of us comes into this world ready to go our own way, to play God.  Consider the selfishness of babies, for example.  People want to say that babies are innocent because, let's face it, they are adorable.  However, they aren't looking for ways to help their parents get a good night sleep.  They want to be changed, fed, and kept warm.  This demonstrates the selfish, sinful nature of humanity.  We come out of the womb and are thinking only of ourselves.  

I'm just wondering how many people realize that even the greatest leaders in the Bible are also flawed and sinful characters.  It's so common today for us to not want to recognize the sin in ourselves and in others.  But in order for us to understand our NEED for salvation, we must understand that "all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." Romans 3:23.  This includes Abraham, Noah, Moses, Aaron, David, and on, and on, and on.  So, when people get uncomfortable because they want to say we (as Christians) are being judgmental or over-critical by acknowledging sin; those people need to realize that the TRUE Christian must recognize that everyone is a sinner.

That being said, if the "wages of sin is death" Romans 6:23, then the most important thing we need in our lives is salvation from our sins.  The apostle Paul writes, "Sin killed me" (Romans 7:11), "I do what I hate" (Romans 7:15) and "Nothing good dwells in me" (7:18).  Paul, especially, is testimony to the redeeming nature of Christ's sacrifice on the cross for us.  Paul, prior to converting to Christianity, was one of the most feared persecutors of Christians!  He murdered the people who believed in Jesus.  I don't know if there's a more dramatic example of a transformation from an old, sinful self into a newly redeemed, passionate soul on a mission to help others find the same redemption.  

Paul says that Christ's death and triumph over the grave has cleared all of the charges against our souls brought on by our sins.  He says that there is "no condemnation" for those who believe in Christ and profess it with our mouths.  (Romans 8:1)

Where am I going with this?  What does this have to do with the fact that Evie

Cancer diagnosis

is blind, that she's suffered through cancer, that we have to always be on guard and monitoring her blood pressure and kidney functions?  

Yesterday I wrote about the splendor of God's creation, the vastness of the Universe, and that fact that he shows his power and wonder in all that he spoke into existence.  And then I posed the question:  if God can do that, then why can't he heal Evie?  

Fact:  He can.
Fact:  He will.

But not.just.yet.

How else will people learn about God if it's not through seeing his ability to bring beauty from pain?  How else with we get softer souls if we don't fall flat on our faces and realize that we can't play God, because we are NOT God?  How else will we be able to praise the Creator if not by praising Him when we are in the midst of a storm?

Anyone can rejoice when things are going well, but it takes true faith to rejoice in the midst of suffering.  Anyone can do something nice for a friend, but it takes true faith to love someone simply because God loves him.  Anyone can learn to be a doctor or scientist and work to cure cancer, heal the blind, or save a kidney from a donor and transplant it to another patient, but only God can rescue their soul from the grip of Hell.  

"God shows his love for us in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us."  Romans 5:8

While we were yet sinners.  So Christ died for me even before I chose Him.  I don't deserve salvation, I haven't earned eternal life in Heaven, but God is going to give it to me anyway, because I've accepted the gift of life through Jesus.

If I had it my way, we wouldn't have to see Evie struggle with so many challenges.  It's painful; it's terribly painful.  But sin has continued to curse the human race since the fall of man back in that beautiful garden with flowing rivers.  If I had it my way, I could read a newspaper and my stomach wouldn't turn because I read about someone burning a body in a fire pit in his yard.  If I had it my way, those who murder would be murdered; those who tease would get teased; and those who steal would be stolen from.  But, thankfully, God's way are not my ways.  I can't get inside the brain of God because he is so huge that he holds the Universe in the palm of his hand.  What can my little, teeny tiny brain understand of him and his ways?

Nothing.

And that's where faith steps in... 

The Truth about Teeny Tiny People on a Spinning Ball

The Spiral Galaxy, hubblesite.org

The Universe is enormous.  This is probably not new information to anyone reading this.  I have always been interested in astronomy; the sun, the moon, the planets.  The celestial skies have been a source of awe and wonder for me.  But, yesterday, as I sat in adult education hour at my church, I was flat out overwhelmed by just how enormous,and limitless the Universe around me is. 

Here are just a few statistics I pulled up off the internet:

• If the Milky Way Galaxy were the size of the North American continent, the Solar System in which we live would be so small in comparison that it would fit into a coffee cup.  (www.kidzworld.com; Basics of Our Solar System)



hubblesite.org

• Scientists can "see" billions of galaxies, but they know there are still others that are unseen. (www.csep10.phys.utk.edu)
• The sun could hold 1.3 milion Earths. (www.csep10.phys.utk.edu)
• Half a billionth of the energy released by the sun reaches Earth.  (www.astronomyforbeginners.com)

Now, considering these are all things that are "relatively" close to us; things with which we are familiar, like the sun and our solar system; and considering the fact that the Milky Way Galaxy is 100, 000 billion light years in diameter, and how many additional planetary systems it holds; then considering the fact that I noted above~that there are billions of galaxies that scientists can see, but others that remain unseen; all of this considered means:


The Universe is unfathomably HUGE!  

Star Forming Region 106, hubblesite.org

Which makes us indisputably teeny-tiny...we are miniscule.  Our planet is small, our solar system is small, our galaxy is one in a billion.  So, how on "earth" can we feel important at all?  What is the POINT of all of this?

First of all, looking around, at our planet, at our sun and our moon, at stars and galaxies; one gets the feeling that there was and is a Master Creator.  Something this beautifully intricate cannot just come to be.  Gravity in and of itself tells me that God created the earth for us to live on it.  He set the sun just so far away as to enable us not to be burned up, but to have seasons.  He set the world in motion in a perfect way so as to keep us from flying off into space.

I can't help but agree with the Psalmist who wrote "Let the Heavens praise your wonders." Psalm 89:5 and, "The Heaven's declare his righteousness." Psalm 50:6.  The beauty of the Universe is absolutely flowing from an endless river of extraordinary mercy and love. 

But, so what?  It's gorgeous out there; it's vast, and limitless, and mysterious.  But, so what?

Here's what's so amazing~ "As high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him." Psalm 103:11.  Really...as insignificant and puny as we might feel, God's love for us is bigger than this grand Universe.  

The Helix Nebula, hubblesite.org

But wait, there's more..."as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us."  Psalm 103:12.  Really...as far as the east from the west...if we are talking about the "heavens" still, then that is a pretty significant distance for him to cast our sins away from us. 

So, God made all of this~spoke it into being right in the very opening events of Genesis.  He gave the earth to us; to care for it and dwell on it.  Yet, we continue to deny his existence, we continue to deny his authority, we continue to deny his sovereignty and ask why he does things the way he does.  It doesn't seem that we are reciprocating the "vast" love that he has shown for us.

Now, if any of us treated one another the way we often treat GOD; like a non-existent inconvenience, I'm pretty certain we would have walked away a long time ago and said, "To Hell with you."  But guess what he did?  He said, "There is a person alive who does not sin.  There isn't a person alive who can live with me for eternity because they are not holy enough.  I need to solve this once and for all."  So, rather than walk away from us, he came to earth to live among us. 

We like this image, don't we?  The boss going out and working the sales floor; the CEO making the cold calls?  But think about this...really think about it.  The lashes, the mocking, being spit upon, and ultimately nailed to a cross...and we aren't talking about "the boss," we're talking about the God who made the Universe.  

Why would he do that?  In the book of Isaiah 55:9, God says that "...as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."  We can't get inside the mind of God. We can't understand his ways.  But he's given us the world, he's given us life, and he's given us his own righteousness through his death, suffering and resurrection from the dead.

Earth, hubblesite.org

In one of my favorite songs on the Newsboys album Restart, they say, "Seven billion people on a spinning ball, and they all mean the world to you..." (Fishers of Men).   Thank you, God, for loving me so much.  What an incomprehensible God you are. 

Wait...there is a question here begging to be answered...quite a few, actually...

If God could create this sea of celestial beauty, spin the world into orbit with a word, and knows every star and every hair on our heads (Psalm 139), then why is my daughter blind, why do people get cancer, and how on earth can a person who murders another person be just as worthy of redemption as I am?

I guess we'll just have to put our "patient pants" on and see how I'm going to tackle these questions tomorrow....

My Heart Condition

What a difference a week makes.  Last week at this time, I was feeling:

overwhelmed, under-inspired, on automatic pilot, and I just going through the motions.  But, thanks to my study of Romans 12, that has completely changed.  I have a brand new heart condition, thanks to the Holy Spirit.  

The homework that I did for my Romans study of chapter 12 focused on spiritual gifts.  That was just fine; it helped me to realize that God has given to me gifts and talents according to HIS measure, so I need to not feel so overwhelmed by my schedule, because I do what I do with God's strength, NOT mine.  So, that study was quite timely.

HOWEVER, my heart condition didn't just change from that!  On Friday morning, during out Bible Study time at church we listened to Dr. Wayne Barber lecture on Romans 12; but he focused on what are NOT fruits of the spirit.  The piece of information which has changed my attitude around is that my relationship with God (meaning, my ability to communicate with God) is dependent on my heart's condition.  Dr. Barber said that if I am not feeling in sync with God, then there is something wrong with my relationship with him; most likely un-confessed sin, or bitterness.  

Ding-ding-ding!  We have a winner!

Bitterness.  I was flat out bitter.  I was feeling under appreciated, and over used.  I, I, I, I, I...I was tired, and it ticked-me-off. 

I couldn't believe I had fallen victim to bitterness.  That's usually NOT my issue.  I had studied Romans 12 relentlessly as a teenager to help me not grow bitter from the teasing and bullying that I experienced at school.  I still can't believe that I so gradually created this Bitter Wall around my heart that was growing and over-taking my spirit.  

I decided that the buck was going to stop with me.  I needed God to renew my heart and the only way to do that was by humbly approaching him and asking forgiveness for my bitterness, bullheadedness, and self-righteousness. 

God immediately lifted the heavy yoke that I had been feeling across my shoulders.  I suddenly saw the beauty of the Christmas season around me.  I had renewed energy, and excitement for each day.  And now he's blowing my mind with ideas about this season, this universe, this planet which spins around each day in the perfect orbit in which God set it into motion.  

Evie's ornament;  made today!

Tonight I volunteered at my church's Christmas Musical Lightshow.  I'm only saying this as my justification for not writing what I INTENDED to write tonight~which is going to knock EVERYONE'S socks off.  I'll write about that tomorrow instead.  But allow me to wrap up this post by imploring each person reading this to talk to God tonight; confess any sins that have gone unconfessed between you and God.  He already knows, he sees all, he knows you; so be honest with him and ask him to come into your heart, to cleanse it, to renew it, and to give you a NEW heart condition.  He will eagerly enter into you heart and start the renovation. 

And tomorrow?  Oh, tomorrow holds so many promises.  I am praying that God helps me organize my thoughts, and my emotions, so I can create in everyone who reads this the sense of wonder and awe that I had this morning while sitting in church. 

My heart condition is radically new, and that has given me a clearer vision of who God is, what the Universe tells us about Him, and how truly indescribable is his love for the world.

To Think and Act Like Winnie-the-Pooh

In the story "Eeyore Loses a Tail", Winnie-the-Pooh (our favorite Chubby Little Cubby all Stuffed with Fluff) discovers Eeyore's tail is missing.  As Pooh and Eeyore discuss the missing appendage, the author notes that "Pooh felt that he ought to say something helpful about it, but didn't quite know what.  So he decided to do something helpful instead." (p. 46, Winnie-the-Pooh, A.A. Milne).  Wouldn't our world be so much more friendly and caring if, rather than concentrating on the right thing to say; we DID the right thing?

I recall seeing a friend of mine post on Facebook that her friend's daughter had been diagnosed with a brain tumor and that she wanted to help her friend in some way but didn't know how.  A well-meaning person had responded saying, "Just be there for her.  When she needs something she'll let you know."  I privately messaged my friend and said, "I totally disagree with that person.  Here are some things you can do." 

When Evie was sick with cancer, a person could say, "Call me anytime" and it would go in one ear and out the other for me.  I was sleep deprived, medicated for migraines, and utterly exhausted physically and emotionally.  For me to even TRY to consider delegating tasks that people could help with was too much for me.  I was busy making sure we made it to appointments, we were giving the right medications at the right times, and we were still trying to maintain our sanity.  Calling people to ask them to do something was not part of my daily activities. 

So what can we do to help people who are sick, or who are caregivers for the sick, or people who are mourning the loss of a loved one?  I'll answer that by writing what people did for us that was so helpful when Evie was sick.

• On a couple of occasions our sidewalk and driveway were shoveled clear of snow before we even knew it had happened. 
• On a couple of occasions, people would call me and say, "I'm bringing food over; will you be home at (this) time?" 
• My mother-in-law had secretly had a photographer take pictures of Evie and then had them printed, framed and wrapped for Christmas presents, even including my side of the family.  Considering I was taking care of an infant with cancer while still working fulltime, that was a tremendous relief.
• We received gift cards for the local grocery store in the mail; along with gas cards. 

We didn't have any additional children, but I imagine that a neighbor, friend or relative who calls and says, "I'm taking your kids to ....today" would be welcomed and wonderful blessing.  Siblings can have a hard time when a parent is busy being a caregiver. 

In our case, with just one child, it's helpful to have someone offer to stay with that child too.  For example, I wanted to do the routine things; that's what helped keep me sane.  So I wanted people to say, "Can I stay with Evie while you go get your haircut?" or "I'll watch Evie while you run to Target."  That sort of "regular" stuff becomes hard to do when busy caring for a sick person; but it's also some of the most relaxing times because it's a reminder of life "before" and hopefully a similar life "after". 

Now, when I'm considering friends and acquaintances who are struggling through difficult times, rather than praying solely for a restoration of health or for their difficult situation to be resolved, I'll also pray for God to show me clearly how best I can help them.  Is it a card with some scripture, or a coffee date, or a gift card for a great restaurant?  Is it visiting the sick person so the caregiver and do some laundry or wash some dishes?  Is it raking, mowing or shoveling without being sought out and asked? 

"Eeyore," he [Pooh] said solemnly, "I, Winnie-the-Pooh, will find your tail for you." 

Precious Heavenly Father, Please help ME find Eeyore's tail for someone in my life today...

Coulds and Woulds ~ A silly Friday night, gotta write, sitting at home poem...

If I could jump over a rainbow,

And land in Oz,

I'd do it in a second,

Just because.

If I could watch every X-Files,

In just one day,

I'd watch them all in order,

I'd start with "Billy Mays."

If I could build a stack of pancakes,

That reached up to the moon,

I'd have miles of syrup rivers,

Flooding all my rooms.

If I could star in a musical,

One with Kelly and Astaire,

I would be the luckiest girl I know,

I'd dance on gilded stairs.

If I could sing just like an angel,
Never flat and never sharp,
Then I'd never stop my singing,
Cause music's always in my heart.

If I could ride into the ocean,
On a swimming dolphin dream,
I'd watch The Goonies on my iPhone,
With a hotspot Netflix stream.

I believe my "Coulds" and "Woulds" 
As weird and wacky as they seem,

Cannot happen here tonight,

Because I'm not Shel Silverstein.

Give Kids the World in Orlando, FL.

Pain

The best way out is always through.

Robert Frost

Our normal reaction to pain is to try and avoid it.  But, as Robert Frost pointed out, one will usually find that the best way to get out of an unpleasant state is to go through it.  Many of my life lessons have taught me this.  And the Bible certainly tells us that we have to go through it in order to get out of it. 

The best way out is always through.

Robert Frost

That kind of reminds me of what getting a tattoo is like.  The pain CAN become quite intense at times, so I would almost psychologically lean into the pain.  When the pain becomes hot and searing, I focus intently on the pain and imagine my whole body enveloping the pain and absorbing it.

The best way out is always through.

Robert Frost 

I reflect back on those really stressful nights in college and grad school when I just wanted to go to bed because I was mentally exhausted from worrying about a big paper or test that was coming up.  Rather than giving up and going to bed, I would gun it!  I would decide that rather than fall asleep at all, I would just sit down and pound out that paper on the keyboard, or make flashcards to help me study for the test.  Who needs sleep?  Just go for it!

The best way out is always through.

Robert Frost

I think about the passages of the Bible that tell us we will go through hard times.  God doesn't tell us we won't have pain, or we won't have heart ache.  God just promises to prepare us for those times and never to leave us during those times. 

"Strengthening the souls of the disciples, exhorting them to continue in the faith, and saying, “We must through many tribulations enter the kingdom of God.” (Acts 14:22)

 

“Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all. He guards all his bones, not one of them is broken.” (Psalm 34:19)

I was just speaking to the kids at AWANA (a church program for children where they learn about God, the Bible and memorize some key verses) last night about the parting of the Red Sea.  It's a fabulously exciting story to read.  The Israelites are terrified because the Egyptians are hot on their trail.  They come to what appears to be a dead end; the Red Sea. Horrified, the Israelites start crying out to Moses.  Moses quickly calms them by saying,  

 

“Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still. (Exodus 14: 13, 14)

Once the Israelites were calm, and quiet, Moses extends his hand over the sea and God sends a remarkable wind; at just the right intensity for the just right amount of time to force the waters apart so the Israelites can safely walk across the entire Red Sea (THROUGH IT), to get to the other side, away from their enemy.  Then, in another twist, the waves come crashing down on the Egyptians and left them dead in the sea.   

God didn't say, "Okay, I'll make the Egyptians go back."  Nor did he say, "Okay, I won't harden their hearts this time."  God tells Moses specifically that he's doing it this way in order to show his glory so everyone, including the Egyptians will KNOW he is God.  The Israelites had to go THROUGH it in order to demonstrate the power and glory of God.  They were scared, hungry and tired, but God got them through it.

I remember back when Evie had cancer, I saw the sign on the highway that said, "To Chicago".  Oh, how I longed to runaway and get "out" of the bondage of cancer.  But I knew I worshiped a big God; a God bigger than cancer, bigger than death.  I had to go through it...that was the only way out.

When Jesus knelt in the Garden of Gethsemane and said, "Father, take this cup..." because he knew that his death was eminent; he knew what the answer would be.  "You must go through it..."

 

How often are we in the midst of pain, and we just want to find a way out?  How often does God answer our prayers, not with an escape plan; rather an attack plan?  If I choose to follow his plan, I will be victorious; I will win the battle.  If I choose to run away, I run away-not from the problem, but I run away from God.. because that's where he is...right there in the middle of my desperate hour, just waiting for me to come through. 

The Cat on my Lap

I'm seriously reconsidering my original plan to workout.  I made the mistake of sitting down to drink some Crystal Light and eat a Honeycrisp Apple.   About two seconds after sitting down, I got a cat on my lap.  This puts things into an entirely different perspective.  (Cat-Lovers know what I'm talking about.)

I guess I need to weigh my options; I'll list them as the pros and cons of working out.

Pro:  I should workout because I'm still getting back on track from a long Thanksgiving weekend. 

Con:  I should stay in the chair with Jinxy; it's snuggle time.

Pro:  I'm dressed for my workout; that's usually half the work!

Con:  Jinxy's purring and has that quiet, peaceful, cat-sleeping face right now.

Pro:  I've got X-Files on Netflix; that could make the workout go pretty fast.

Con:  It's Jinxy!  He's on my lap!  How can I just walk away from that?

Pro:  I had my calories calculated for the day as if I DID workout; so I ate as though I 'd workout.

Con:  Jinxy's so warm!  He doesn't even care that I'm typing on a laptop that's resting on the arm of my chair.  He's sound asleep.  He has total trust and security in where he's at...I shouldn't ruin that!

I think it would be easier to have someone drive by in a large vehicle and startle Jinxy off my lap.  Yes, definitely easier.  

Postscript:  Upon publishing this blog post, Jinxy got up off my lap and out of the chair.  I shall now workout. 

On Truth, Trust, and Temptation

http://stoptalk.files.wordpress.com/2013/02/shhh2.jpg

We have all been there.  We are pros at rationalizing that it's NOT what we are doing.  We simply tell ourselves, "I'm talking through it so I can understand it," or "I would totally say this to this person's face, so this is not gossip..."  However, in reality, we know gossip, and we know WHEN we gossip.  The fact of the matter is, gossip eats away at the reputation of the gossiper just as quickly as it eats away at the reputation of the person being gossiped about.
 
I have found myself unable to trust people after I know that they have been saying things about someone else.  The reason I lose trust is I start to think, "Well, what is that person saying about ME when I'M not in the room?"  So, naturally, that person becomes less trustworthy and it starts to eat away at my relationship with them.  This is ESPECIALLY true when I see the gossiper turn around and be totally sweet to the person about whom they were gossiping.  Ouch!~that hurts ME to see how two-faced that can be.
 
Now, this topic and my feelings on it would lead one to say, "So, Tammie, you never gossip?"  WRONG.  I have totally been the gossiper as well.  It's a common sin, and commonly I have struggled with it, as most people do.  But I have recently seen my friendships falling apart when gossiping becomes the basis, and I find it hard to steer the conversation away from it.  That tells me that my friendship might not be on a solid foundation. 
 
Paul wrote to the church at Corinth about gossiping and slander:
 

2 Corinthians 12:20 For I fear that perhaps when I come I may find you not as I wish, and that you may find me not as you wish—that perhaps there may be quarreling, jealousy, anger, hostility, slander, gossip, conceit, and disorder.

 

Don't those issues usually go hand in hand?  Jealousy and gossip; we try to get others to look poorly upon someone of whom we might be jealous.  Disorder and gossip; when things might be chaotic and messy, we look to place blame on others by gossiping.  Anger and gossip;  we feel slighted and we just have to go tell others so they will be on "our side." 

 

Quite frankly, Paul had reason to be afraid of that!  What else can so quickly shake up a church than some nasty gossip? 

 

So, how do we keep this all in check?  It feels to me, a girl of many insecurities, to be quite a trial to avoid gossip!  We do it so naturally, and we fall into those conversations so naturally and they spiral out of control.

 

I had a friend one time who inquired about a third party and how things were going in a situation that I and the other person were in.  I didn't think anything of it; I responded with how I thought things were going and that was the end of our conversation.  However, my friend followed up with me and apologized and said, "I realize that I was gossiping, and I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do that."  I was floored.  That was the most unexpected message for me to get because I hadn't considered it gossip.  BUT IT WAS!  I'm so glad my friend held herself and myself accountable by apologizing to me and helping ME to see how naturally I accepted the urge to "gossip."  Gossip doesn't have to be saying something "wrong" about a person...it can also be telling information about that person without them there to make sure the information is accurate. 

 

I think the best way for ME to avoid gossip is by daily meditating on the verses in the Bible about gossip, and how God sees it.  Then, the help of our friends holding us accountable to NOT gossip will help eradicate the commonness of it.  Wouldn't it be great if we lived in a world where gossip was UNUSUAL and felt out of place rather than "common?" 

 

Here are some more verses to consider:

http://khanya.wordpress.com/2010/03/13/fasting-and-gossip/
Some ways that we might "mask"
(unsuccessfully) our gossip:

 

Jeremiah 6:28 They are all stubbornly rebellious, going about with slanders; they are bronze and iron;  all of them act corruptly.

 

Proverbs 11:13 Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets, but he who is trustworthy in spirit keeps a thing covered.

 

Proverbs 26:20-22 For lack of wood the fire goes out, and where there is no whisperer, quarreling ceases.  As charcoal to hot embers and wood to fire, so is a quarrelsome man for kindling strife. The words of a whisperer are like delicious morsels; they go down into the inner parts of the body.

 

Romans 1:28-32 And since they did not see fit to acknowledge God, God gave them up to a debased mind to do what ought not to be done. They were filled with all manner of unrighteousness, evil, covetousness, malice. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, maliciousness. They are gossips, slanderers, haters of God, insolent, haughty, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents, foolish, faithless, heartless, ruthless. Though they know God’s righteous decree that those who practice such things deserve to die, they not only do them but give approval to those who practice them.

 

That last example from Romans gets me every time.  Not only should I not participate, but I shouldn't give approval to the practice of it.  (That means I need to speak up when I see it happening too!) 

 

I'll make a list of things I might say to get the gossipers to stop gossiping (at least while I'm around):

 

• I don't feel comfortable talking about this when ____person's name_____ isn't here.
• I'm trying to avoid things that might be considered gossip, so I'd rather not talk about that, or even hear it.
• I'd hate to say anything about this situation because I know how bad I'd feel if others were talking about me when I wasn't there.

Again, I am certainly not guilt free in this area; but who better to hear about a sinful-struggle, and attempts to free myself from that struggle than me, the sinner?  Let's all go boldly forward and try to end the temptation to gossip~if it's a habit, then we need to make the commitment on a daily basis, and go to bed at night having really looked into ourselves and honestly determine whether we made it through the day without gossiping or lending ear to gossip. 

 

Today is Day 1. 

  

 

 

 

I got a Letter for THAT?

I easily could have titled this piece, "Last One Picked."  I'm the girl who ducks when the volleyball is coming toward her, I'm the girl who can't do a pull up, and I'm the girl who is always the last one picked in gym class.  So, the fact that I have a letter jacket from high school is likely a surprise to many people.  I "lettered," however, by being on the Math Team, in Concert Choir, and, I believe in the National Honor Society.

But, can my accomplishments in math, choir and academics really get me a LEGITIMATE letter?  Here's what I found in my research. 

The letter jacket actually dates back to Harvard University in 1865.  The football team had received gray flannel shirts with a large "H" on them; but when the season was over, if the players hadn't participated in enough practices or earned some distinction with outstanding plays, they would lose their flannel jersey.  A decade later, the American football team evoked a similar ritual.  However, it was only the team captain or players of high esteem who were honored enough to wear the letter.

The "letter jacket" finally evolved into the classic leather and wool blend that we see commonly today in the  1930's.  Considering the history; the fact that the jacket was only bestowed on persons worthy of the honor, I still question whether or not I should have received the letter in math and choir.  I DID put a fair amount of work into the National Honor Society; so I'll gladly claim that one. 

My guess is that the letter jacket has become quite a money-maker, thereby losing some of the prestige which is associated in achieving the title of Letterman.  I suppose it's more of a rite of passage these days, rather than an elusive achievement.  Either way, my guess is that the letter jacket is here to stay. 

History of the letter jacket accessed at http://buy.varsityjackets.eu/pages/History-of-the-Letterman-jacket on 12/2/13

Failure to Fail

Since today is my "first" official day of blogging (outside of my random moments of inspiration over the past several years) without a pre-determined topic assigned by WEGO Health, it stands to reason that I feel a small morsel of trepidation as I boldly go where I have never gone before.  But really, what have I to fear?  I'm not losing money by blogging on a free website.  I'm not going to be hauled off by secret police for my beliefs. So where is the risk that would cause me any fear?

It's actually right inside of me; my fear is the fear of failure.
 

That being said, I'm going to take a look at my life if it were "failure free." Where would I be today if I failed to ever fail?
 

Probably my first sense of failure, although I had undoubtedly failed many times before it, came from my ACT score.  I was going to graduate from high school with a 4.0 GPA...that was a straight A average at the time (I believe it is no longer the same).  When my ACT score came back I  scored in the low 20's; I could not mask my disappointment.  I knew that I was a hard worker, not necessarily just a "smart" kid, but I didn't imagine that I would score so low on a test that would ultimately determine my acceptance into a variety of colleges. 

Of course I mentally beat myself up, and believed myself to be quite a failure when I received my score.  I applied to "safe" schools which I figured would still "accept" me despite my low ACT score.  What if I hadn't done that?  Where would I be today?  I met some of my closest friends in undergraduate school.  I'm still, twenty years later, close to my roommates, and my "floor mates" and even the glorious friends who accepted me "on-campus" despite my living "off campus" at the residential college residence hall.  But, what was the biggest thing about where I went to school for my undergrad?  I met my husband there.  Oh, sure, we didn't date seriously there; he was a few years older, and he graduated soon after we met, but God had a plan.  What if I wouldn't have "failed" at my ACT?  Where would I have met Jeff?

Again, I fell victim to the dreaded standardized test when I took the GRE to go on to graduate school after completing my undergraduate degree.  I graduated from college with a 3.8 GPA, but my GRE scores were quite low.  Still I applied to three schools for graduate studies.  I was rejected by two of them and the third accepted me.  I would be moving to Milwaukee, WI. I didn't know anyone in Milwaukee, and it would be several hours to drive from my family, but I trusted that God had a plan.  When I ran into my "future husband" at a wedding for mutual friends I explained to him that I'd be in Milwaukee soon~and wasn't that close to Madison where he lived?  He explained to me that he had just moved to Milwaukee himself a few months before.  Hmmmm....God had a plan.  Where would I be right now if I had been accepted to the U of M in Minnesota, or to Chapel Hill in North Carolina?  What if I hadn't failed?
 

Old School Photo from a Badger Football game!

I could write about jobs that I applied for and didn't get.  I could write about jobs that I accepted; jobs where I never did quite as well as I'd hoped.  Doesn't everyone have a story of failure?  Yes, everyone does.  But, does everyone look at what would have happened had she NOT failed?  What would she have missed?  What would I have missed?

So, here I am, 38; finally trying my hand at writing...REALLY writing, daily writing, scheduled time to commit to my writing (just like a job, right?).  What can it hurt?  Could I fail?  Sure.  But, failure has led me to great things in my past. 

God has a plan.  He always has a plan.  My failures could very well be God's bragging rites.  He might have my ACT and GRE scores hanging on his fridge in Heaven saying, "Look at that...just like I knew she could do.  It got her EXACTLY where I meant for her to be."

And the Award Goes To...

For our final day of blogging during National Health Blog Post Month, WEGO Health asked me to nominate a health activist for one of their Health Activist awards.  Since they allow organizations to be nominated, I went ahead and nominated the International WAGR Syndrome Association (IWSA).  The IWSA is an all-volunteer organization; meaning no one, not even me as the president receives any payment or advantages from the group; and still we work hard each day, month, and year, to ensure that we uphold our mission:

“The mission of the IWSA is to promote international knowledge and awareness of WAGR syndrome and its complications and treatments, to stimulate research and to reach out to those affected by WAGR syndrome in an effort to improve their lives”

http://www.wagr.org/aboutiwsa.html

I cannot express sufficiently how honored I am to be among this group.  I am moved to tears during each WAGR Weekend when we hear about what the IWSA has accomplished from one year to the next. To think that this group of moms (to begin with) actually got together, said, "There must be more of us out there," and then forged ahead through the mysterious "new" internet to make contact with the other families.  These passionate women, moved to connect by their child's rare disease, started newsletters, built websites, constructed medquest surveys, and got the attention of the medical world all before my daughter was even born.  That is amazing; especially considering that THEY had kiddos with WAGR as well!!!

I volunteer at my church because I am grateful for what Christ did for me in freeing me from the bondage of slavery.  I volunteer for the IWSA because I am grateful for those people who took time; to learn, to act, to build so that we could have a strong organization that strives to make life wonderful for each person with WAGR/11p Deletion Syndrome.  

If someone would like to learn more about the IWSA; it's history, it's future, it's accomplishments, she or he can watch a youtube video created in 2010 by one of the IWSA leaders. 

The IWSA: Past Present and Future

The video is just over 13 minutes long, but if an abbreviated version is necessary and one would like to find out how "One Person" can make a difference, jumping ahead to minute 9 or so can get you there.  

We continue to add more and more families to the IWSA, and they are scattered around the globe.  The response when a family connects with us is priceless and is almost always the same, "For the first time, I feel hope."  "For the first time, I belong."  "For the first time, I don't have to explain a thing."  Truly, that's better than any pay check in the world.  

Thank you to all of my followers during National Health Blog Post Month; I hope you'll stick with me as I try my skills at blogging independently!  Tomorrow, considering this jump into a new opportunity, I'll be writing about what would happen if I fail?  

Knit Together with Threads of Energy, Creativity, and Stubborness

Shucks, folks...this entry today is tough.  For one of the last entries during WEGO Health's National Health Blog Post Month I am told to write about three things I love about myself.  Since it's sometimes easier to talk about the things we DON'T like about ourselves, I can easily say, "I don't like my baby-fine hair, my extreme eczema on my hands and feet, nor my compulsiveness to shop."  That, however, would not be completing my assignment!  So, I will dig down deep and pull out what I find to be my three best qualities:  energy, creativity, and stubbornness.  


Considering that I typically am multi-tasking to the point that I will run the water into a pitcher to get water for coffee, while simultaneously throwing out the old coffee grounds, filling the new filter with new coffee grounds, and then pulling out of the refrigerator all the items Evie will need in her lunch; I KNOW that I have a lot of energy.  My to-do lists help me stay focused and enable me to accomplish a lot during the day.  

I also have made a commitment to staying on top of many routine duties that, when put off, can create a sense of anxiety and frustration in me.  For example, I have started to do one load of laundry a day; and that helps me not feel bogged down with three baskets of laundry piling up each week.  Instead, I throw one load in the washer in the morning, switch that to the dryer before I leave for work, fold it when I get home from work before making dinner, and throw another load in the next morning to start the cycle all over again.

Along with my energy to complete household duties, people will ask me when I find the time to workout.  That is also something I need to do daily.  It's not really for vanity sake either.  I have been a big "workout" girl since 2001 when I lost 35 lbs on Jenny Craig.  I've only stopped working out at one point since then and that was when Evie was on chemotherapy.  But even then, my doctor encouraged me to find time to workout because it is my body's way of releasing stress.  I'd prefer to do my workout in the morning, but if I get a subbing job at a school, I usually have to put the workout off until the evening.  Because I spend a lot of evenings at my church for different activities and volunteer opportunities, my workout may not happen until 9 o'clock.  That's tough, but I will watch Netflix while doing a Turbojam routine that I have memorized and the time flies.

A second quality I like about myself is my creativity.  I know that I'm gifted here, and I get that from my mom.  My mom is always doing a new project, or coming up with a GREAT idea/solution for one situation or another.  With Evie, and many of her complex sensory issues, I have seen this creativity as a huge blessing, and possibly even a spiritual gift.  

For example, we started seeing big meltdowns in Evie when she started school at age 3.  She would come home from school and start yelling, and hitting, and biting the minute I got her in the door.  I call it, "Unleashing the Dragon."  I started to realize that this might be happening because she had just followed  a structured schedule at school, but would come home to no schedule at all.  So, I took pictures one afternoon of her "doing" all her after-school things:  Feed the Kitties, Eat Dinner, Take a Bath, Take Medicine, Say Prayers, Read Books, Go To Bed.  I then took all the pictures and put them into a slide show that was set to music, (Goodnight, by Laurie Berkner), using Windows Movie Maker.  Every evening when we got home I'd show her the movie, then we'd watch it after dinner to see what we had already done and what we were going to do; we'd watch it again after her bath, and then it would be time for bed.   This gave her more of a "feeling" of where she was in her day and how soon she'd be going to bed.  It's a huge blessing to me and my family to be able to think through a problem and come up with a creative solution to resolve that problem.  

Lastly, I'm stubborn.  There's no doubt about it.  I don't like to be told that I can't do something; and I will engage in conflict as eagerly as a Momma Bear protecting her cub.  Normally, one would not categorize stubbornness as a positive trait.  However, now that I am the mom of a child with special needs, that stubbornness becomes a cherished weapon in my arsenal of gifts.  Evie had been denied services through the county many years back.  They said she wasn't "delayed" enough.  Clearly, having a child who is developmentally delayed, legally blind, has Sensory Processing Disorder, chronic health issues, speech apraxia, hypotonia...(I'll just stop there); CLEARLY the denial of services was a mistake.  I appealed the decision with the circuit court and had to present my own testimony in from of a circuit judge.  The judge said to me after my appeal, "Regardless of what I decide, it's parents like you that need to continue to push, push, push for their child."  I felt pretty good about that.  But, guess what? He actually upheld the county's decision.  I then went to Disability Rights Wisconsin.  They took our case, and were able to get the decision overturned and Evie has been developing wonderfully with the plan that the county has in place for her.  

I NEEDED the stubbornness that I possess in order to continue to "push, push, push," because I was really starting to contemplate giving up.  I would think, "Really, is it worth it?"  But I would think about my grandma and how she had to push to get my uncle (who has Down Syndrome) picked up by the bus at his driveway the way the "normal" kids were.  Grandma told me once that she thought that whenever the district superintendent saw her coming down the hall he would think, "Oh no, here she comes."   A friend of the family once said to me, "Your grandmother is a champion for people with disabilities."  I was so inspired by those words, and I hope to be able to claim that same title someday for myself.  I certainly have the stubbornness to try!  

When they say that "God gives special children to special parents," it makes sense to me.  That may be a more simplified way of looking at it; but I believe it's true.  One of my favorite Bible passages tells us how this comes to pass: 

For you created my inmost being;

    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

14 

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

    your works are wonderful,

    I know that full well.

15 

My frame was not hidden from you

    when I was made in the secret place,

    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.

16 

Your eyes saw my unformed body;

    all the days ordained for me were written in your book

    before one of them came to be.

Psalm 139:13-16

God did not make me this way on accident, and he did not give us Evie on accident.  He had this all planned out.  God has taken some of my worst traits and has worked them for the good of my family.  That is truly amazing.

I can't believe my month of Health Blog posting is almost through.  I have been more energized and encouraged by pouring myself out for others to learn more about WAGR/11p Deletion Syndrome, and my thoughts on our lives with it than I could have ever imagined.  My goal is to continue to blog!  I have wanted to be a writer since I was in elementary school, and this month has been a dream-come-true in that respect. So, please, continue to check back on me and see how I'm doing!  I've even downloaded a few apps to help generate ideas and topics for me to write about~you know how stubborn I can be, I just don't want this fun to end!