The Parable of the Fiddle Fig Plant in My House

Blessed is the person who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked,

Nor stand in the path of sinners,

Nor sit in the seat of scoffers!

But his delight is in the Law of the Lord,

And on His Law he meditates day and night.

He will be like a tree planted by streams of water,

Which yields its fruit in its season,

And its leaf does not wither;

And in whatever he does, he prospers.

Psalm 1: 1-4 NASB

I bought my first fiddle fig a year ago at Costco. I had wanted one for quite some time. I loved its big green leaves that looked like umbrellas and how tall they could grow. 

When I picked mine out from among the many plants piled into a display together, they were all crowded onto a flat in the center of the store. Clearly they were without sunlight, they were being watered; but maybe even over watered in their small pots and close quarters. In other words, they were languishing. 

Arrow points to the first leaf 
that bloomed after 
getting it home. 

I brought my fiddle fig home and new right away it needed a larger pot and good soil. Then when it got its first bloom, I wasn't sure what to expect, but I was excited. They usually bloom in twos or threes. Well, the first leaf that came out was, puny. It wasn't just puny, it was mis-formed. I thought maybe I had done something wrong, but in my research I learned that the blooms reflect the health of the plant PRIOR to the bloom shows up. 

A small, miss-shapen leaf is the sign that it hadn't been tended well, had LACKED what it needed prior to the first visual appearance of it. 

Is that not also true of us and our spiritual lives? We don't even realize it, but when we are NOT in God's word, when we are NOT praying, when we are NOT planted by the Living Water...we aren't getting nourished in a way that produces healthy fruit. We are languishing in our tiny little pots, not getting any sun, not getting any water into our roots because they aren't able to spread and grow and breathe. 

I cannot emphasize enough how necessary it is these days to be in the Bible. We have to know the REAL Word inside and out in order to recognize imposters because there are so many false teachers these days who have created their own gospel and have turned away from the true Word of God. 

Father God, keep the fire alive in my heart to continue to dig into Your Word, Your Law...that I may not be pulled and pushed with the winds that blow this way and that. Help me to stand firm on Your precepts and love Your Ways. Amen. 

A Glimpse of the Kingdom

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.

Blessed are the gentle, for they will inherit the earth.

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be satisfied.

Blessed are the merciful, for they will receive mercy.

Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God.

Blessed are those who have been persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Matthew 5: 3-10 NASB 

I believe it's no coincidence that on the morning of February 10, 2023 I was reading a chapter in Philip Yancey's "The Jesus I Never Knew" that dove deep into the Beatitudes from the Sermon on the Mount. As I read the commentary from Yancey, I couldn't get my mind to stop thinking, "Tonight at Night to Shine, we will catch a glimpse of God's Eternal Kingdom as Jesus is describing it here."

I believe it's also no coincidence that a week which began with a Satanic worship performance at the Grammys; a performance that glorified the Prince of Darkness, was going to end with a Super Bowl halftime performance that glorified greed and lust. But in between those two WORLDLY bookends, some of us would witness ONE NIGHT that centered on the true glory of the One True God. Yahweh Shalom...our God of Peace. The God of restoration. The God of hope. 

You see, in Jesus's Sermon on the Mount, he says that the FIRST on earth will be LAST in Heaven, and those who are WEAK on earth will be STRONG in His Kingdom. 

Our world; which we know is the OPPOSITE of what our eternal heaven will look like, worships fame, wealth, beauty, and physical ability. We see it EVERYWHERE. And regardless of where we are in our faith-walk, our flesh often draws us into believing in those earthly idols, and desiring them as well. 

But those things stand in opposition to God, because they take our attention off God and satisfy only our flesh, and only for a moment. 

Individuals with disabilities, as well as their families and caregivers, are often forgotten, dismissed and the last to be served in this world. Sure, we have seen advancements in disability rights after decades of advocacy and grass root movements. But, let's face it: Accessibility is still a battle fought on a daily basis. I mean, for real, some of these attendees who I met saw the inside of a janitor's closet as their first classroom.

 

While students in universities are required to take classes that enforce the need for proper pronoun usage, they will also attend classes that aren't physically accessible to them due to lack of elevators, or they will find the only accessible entrances LOCKED, and only to be opened by staff. 

My daughter in particular was taking an acting class that included a play; required reading, which regularly used the "R" word (retarded, a derogatory slur used to describe those with disabilities, or used as a way to "put down" someone who may not have a disability, but is used as a way to hurt them). 

BUT, rather than dwelling on the difficulties faced in the special needs/disability community, let me go back to the JOY of Night to Shine.  

Jesus's Sermon on the Mount has offended some people, terrified many, and sent potential believers into tail spins because of its doctrine of seemingly impossible perfection. Love your enemies, turn the other cheek; it all seems unachievable to this flawed human race. 

However, when you look at an event like Night to Shine, you start to realize that what is described in the Beatitudes is actually a picture of Heaven; where all that is upside down in this world gets flipped and becomes right side up again. 

Where my daughter can see. 

Where my daughter can run.

Where my daughter can speak without stuttering. 

Where my daughter won't have PTSD from her countless needle-pokes and surgeries as a young baby.  

Heaven is where she will be a princess, daughter of a King. Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God. 

You see, the way that Night to Shine makes this happen is with limos, crowns and red carpets. With buddies or chaperones for every attendee so that they can automatically BELONG and be a part of the festivities. They don't need mom or dad to be their best friend, because they will have someone there who is already dedicated to caring for them and making sure their needs are met. Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy. 

The parents and caregivers also glimpse the Kingdom as they have a parent/caregiver respite room where they can relax, eat, commune with others who share the same triumphs and challenges and get to encourage one another. Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. 

The volunteers, even THEY become a part of this developing snapshot of Heaven as they see a young man smile and hear his parents say, "Oh my gosh, I haven't seen him smile in so long." Or, when the parents drop off their adult daughter and say, "We don't know how this will go. We'll be right over there because she probably won't want to stay long." But, an hour and a half later that daughter is still dancing and singing on the dance floor. Yes, even the volunteers are blessed during this event as they serve because blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be satisfied. 

The walls come down, and the fear fades like a firefly as dawn approaches. 

Thank God, that in a world so focused on money, power and lust, we can catch a glimpse of generosity, mercy, and agape love. 

That is a Kingdom truly worth aiming for. That is the God we choose to worship even when it becomes counter-cultural and unpopular.  

The God who loves the lost. 

The God who rescues the remnant.

The God who restores the broken-hearted. 

...and He will wipe away every tear from their eyes; 

and there will no longer be any death; 

there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away.

Revelation 21:4 NASB

 

The Day Evie's Homework Blew My Mind.

 

A few weeks ago Evie was listening to a podcast for a night class she is taking at the University. The podcast was a discussion about the 30th anniversary of the ADA (American's with Disabilities Act). In the discussion, Alice Wong, a disability activist, reflects on the fact that the LAW can only give us the "standard" but it doesn't REALLY change ANYTHING if people don't follow it. 

Not only that, but if people just MEET the law, but go no further than what is recommended or required as the "bare minimum" to following the law, then we still don't see a truly inclusive day to day experience for people living with disabilities. After all, there's no ADA police...so the only way we know when the law is broken is when someone goes to the trouble of filing a lawsuit, and is that really how we want to go through life? 

For example, when Evie and I walk around the University, for example, there is often only ONE accessible entrance, and it's often the back of the building, through a remote parking ramp, or next to a dumpster. Huh...is that equal access? Does that feel truly inclusive if you, as a person perhaps in a wheelchair, can't use the same door all your friends do? 

Alice Wong then made a statement that resonated to my core, "ACCESSIBILITY IS LOVE." 

I sucked in my breath and got teary eyed and said to Evie, "THAT IS THE GOSPEL!" 

Evie said, "What?" 

Accessibility is LOVE! 

In the Old Testament we had "The Law." The Law that God gave us showed us the standard, showed us the WAY to righteousness...but it couldn't MAKE us righteous...it could only show us HOW to be righteous. And guess what? NO ONE can uphold the standard of the Law except God. So how can we ever have ACCESS to Him if we are always falling short? 

Then came Jesus...and He gave us COMPLETE ACCESS to God through his sacrifice on the cross. He DID uphold the Law, and He DID meet the standard and then He took on our punishment for EVERY SINGLE way in which we fall short. He stands as our full access High Priest before God to attest that we are worthy and in a right relationship with Him. 

So, our HEART condition, our LOVE is the true path to accessibility. We can advocate, we can legislate...but that only goes to changing the LAW, it doesn't create a HEART change in people. What our world needs is Jesus. Our world needs His UNFAILING LOVE. Our world needs His Full Access Pass so that we can be in right standing with our Holy, Righteous God. 

Why? If He's so loving, why doesn't He just forgive us WITHOUT Jesus's death and resurrection? 

Because what is JUST about that? What would be JUST about all of our sins going UNACCOUNTED for and just giving out all access passes to all of us? That wouldn't be what we want! Heaven would be HELL! There MUST be penalties for all broken laws or there is NO JUSTICE. I want to see people pay for their sins...but then that means I MUST PAY for MY sins. 

Unless Jesus pays for them. 

And He has...He already has, for all of us! But we need to accept that and turn to Him and say, "I can't do the rest of this without you, Jesus! Thank you for paying for my sins...come into my life and strengthen me through your Holy Spirit to live and walk with YOU through the rest of my life...I want FULL ACCESS to what You are offering! I will no longer be a slave to my sin, I will be a bondservant of the Living God, the one who paid my ransom." 

Accessibility is Love. And God showed that love for the whole world when He sent His one and only Son, that Whoever will believe in HIM will not perish, but have LIFE ETERNAL.... full access forever and ever. 

The Tears of Silent Sparrow

 

Evie and her instructor on the corner of a busy street.

Today we had tears...lots of tears during our orientation and mobility lesson. 

Evie's been using a cane since she was 3 years old. But that doesn't mean she "relied" on the cane, and that doesn't mean that she used it to independently navigate busy or dangerous terrain. 

Now that we are looking at her starting college however, the game plan has changed and we need to change with it. 

And it's scary.

And it HARD.

Nobody likes to see Evie cry...it's heartbreaking...it's like seeing a baby bird who is injured. 

But tears are necessary because they reflect her realization that she can't fake her way through a lesson on her own positive attitude. No, sometimes it takes hard work, mind-bending work, gut-wrenching work. 

On the corner of one of our busiest neighborhood streets we saw her reach her breaking point today. The realization that life isn't safe. The realization that cars, speed, and distractions can equal injury and harm. The realization that there are no promises and there aren't really any shortcuts to true independence. 

It's terrifying as a parent of a child with disabilities to hear people speak so lightly of crosswalks, speed limits and handicap parking spots as if they shouldn't have to be bothered with these inconveniences because they are slowing them down or moving them further away from where they would like to be. 

All we are looking for is a way to keep our loved ones safe! 

Ultimately, though, I come back to one solution. My only solution. 

The government cannot save us.

The money cannot save us.

The rules cannot save us.

The Law cannot save us. 

Only God can save us. 

If I look anywhere else for solace, safety or salvation, I will be disappointed. 

You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me. Psalm 139:5 

Hem her in, Lord. Hem in her in. Keep her safe in this crazy, broken world. Lay your hand upon her. 

If You Give a Kid a Cane...

 

If you give a kid a cane, she'll want to take a walk outside.

You'll take her on one of your favorite scenic walks, and she'll probably notice all of the birds and wildlife.

She'll ask you for more knowledge on that wildlife, and when you give her that knowledge she'll probably want to go to college to learn more. 

College will be so exciting that she'll want to go to grad school!

Then she'll be busy writing papers and being a teaching assistant. 

She'll need a new outfit for her first job interview. 

So, you'll have a fun shopping trip before she flies off to DC. 

She'll interview at the Smithsonian Museum of Air and Space. 

While she's interviewing, she'll realize how much she loves the hustle and bustle of the city. 

She'll get the job and then she'll have to move!

So, you'll hire movers. 

When she's packing, you'll find all kinds of old momentos of growing up. 

You'll play cards, and boardgames, and flip through some of her favorite books from when she was younger.

Then she'll want to see some of her first braille books that seemed so difficult to read back then.

So, you'll run to the closet and pull them out, 

You'll read Freckle Juice, and Frog and Toad, and If You Give a Pig a Pancake...

Then you'll pull out her first cane from when she was 3 years old. 

It'll seem hardly tall enough for an American Girl Doll to use, 

and she'll want to try it out for fun,

and you'll laugh at how tiny it is. 

She'll decide she wants to take it to DC with her as a keepsake. 

Then she'll probably hug you. 

And chances are, 

she'll thank you for believing in her and pushing her to grow, 

then she'll want to take a walk with you again before it's time to go off to her new, independent life. 

Inspired by the Laura Numeroff "If You Give a Pig a Pancake" book series, and by my daughter. 

Sometimes

sometimes i forget 

i wasn't guaranteed today,

sometimes i forget

that you hear me when i pray,

sometimes i forget

the mountains are footprints of your design,

sometimes i forget

that i am yours and you are mine.

sometimes i get lost

in all the world will say is true,

sometimes i trade my faith

as an earthly bargain tool,

sometimes when i see 

uncertainty in their eyes

i begin to panic; 

my own fear begins to rise. 

then you rescue me

with your words from ancient days,

showing me your mercy,

as you provide in every way,

you remind me that you've written

all of this in history

and to fix my eyes on you

because you're always fixed on me.

Seek Him, Earnestly...

Photo Courtesy of Ian Lindsay

Father God, Sovereign LORD, Jehovah Rapha ~ You are the God who heals.

Only You can sustain us.
Only You can extend us.
Only You can strengthen us.
Only You can purify us.

Your mighty hand extends to all the corners of the earth.
Your presence is great and as deep as the darkest parts of the oceans.
Your majesty soars higher than the heavens.

Only You are creator.
Only You are defender.
Only You are redeemer.
Only You are healer.

Your angel armies swoop down and battle the darkness-
Enemies fall at the sound of the trumpets.

The oppressor,
opposer,
destructor,
His power cannot stand- He has no power in Your presence.

The enemy flees -
Your land is free - I'll proclaim it today and in all of my days.

You are God alone and Your Word can heal. Your Word can topple the enemy today.

For I will be like a lion to Ephraim and like a young lion in the house of Judah.
I, even I, will tear to pieces and go away, I will carry away and there will be none to deliver.
I will go away and return to my place until they acknowledge their guilt and seek my face; 
In their affliction will they earnestly seek me. Hosea 5: 14-15 NASB

And without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is and that He is a rewarder of those who seek Him. Hebrews 11: 6 NASB

Communion ~ A Celebration in our Solitude, Solidarity, and Savior

Photo credit: Dadion Gomez

Last night our church held an on-line service. I will be honest, I have so many mixed emotions about the fact that we have been told by our government not to gather. 

• I feel relief because it allows me (a long proclaimed hypochondriac and highly anxious individual) to stay "safe" in my home. 
• I feel frustrated that I can't see our loving church family and friends as we look forward to doing every week.
• I feel perplexed at how we seem to have lost our right to gather and worship freely in a democratic society. (Please, this is not a political post, just an honest one about my mix of emotions). 

So, last night, when we gathered as a family in front of our TV and streamed our worship service on-line, I was excited that our pastors had told us to prepare our own Communion elements before hand. Cool, breaking bread with the two most important people in my life...my husband and my daughter.

And, as Pastor Alex began speaking during our time of Communion, I instantly thought of how it was for the early church, and how it IS in SO MANY places around the globe...where Christians are persecuted for their beliefs and where they take Communion together despite the risk of imprisonment, torture and death.

Tears were streaming down my cheeks as I held the bread and juice tightly and I felt throughout my soul the deep longing to be taking the elements of Communion IN my church building WITH my church family. But we couldn't. We absolutely couldn't, and that was a feeling I had never experienced before. 

The persecution of Christianity still goes on every day too. It's not just "in the days of Nero" or in some distant past that we see depicted in etchings on cave walls. It is really happening now, every day, around the world. We see this is confirmed in recent studies, for example:

While alarming, the British study is not surprising. It affirms 10 years of Pew Research showing increasing governmental restrictions on religious activity worldwide. The latest Pew report indicated that Christian groups were harassed in 144 nations in 2016, up from 128 the year before, with China leading the world in government-sponsored restrictions on religious exercise. Muslims were second most targeted, persecuted in 142 countries. ~ Journal Review, 12/6/2019 

This is why I'm praying Psalm 91 daily for our family, for our community, and for our world. This virus is not "just a virus." This virus is the just one more attack from our real enemy. My husband and I were watching the second movie in the Hunger Games, and there was a line "Remember who the real enemy is."

So true.

The "real enemy" is not the person hoarding toilet paper, nor the person who makes the declaration that we need to close non-essential businesses. The "real enemy" is the opposer, Satan, who opposes freedom and wants us bound in slavery to him. He loves to see us separated from each other, he loves to see us bickering over who is at fault and who should have done what to prevent this from happening. Let's not give him a foothold with our anger and fear.

Let's celebrate our victory through our Savior and Redeemer, Jesus Christ. Let's celebrate that we can still break bread and still worship God. Let's pray for healing and peace and celebrate the victory we have over death in Jesus's victory over the grave.

God, have mercy over all the earth and all its inhabitants. We are a desperate people and we need your healing to be poured out upon us. You are God, Most High, and we humble ourselves before you and plead your wisdom, healing and peace cover us today. Amen.

He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High
Shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress; My God, in Him I will trust.” Psalm 91: 1-2 NKJV

Is This Our Year of Jubilee?

Father God, I praise You for the sunshine and I praise You for the rain. You are the Beginning and the End. No other God before You and none after You.
You are LORD of all Creation and You are LORD over all.
We continue to question and wonder and search for answers during this time of trial over our world. God, may we all earnestly seek YOU...for we are told in the book of Hebrews that we must believe in You and in earnestly seeking You we will see our reward.
So, what is Your word for me today? You bring the word JUBILEE.
I can hear the song in my head:

"Behold, He comes, riding on the clouds,
Shining like the sun, at the trumpet call,
Lift your voice, it's the year of jubilee,
Out of Zion's hill salvation comes." The Days of Elijah by Robin Mark

And what is that time, God? Jubilee is a time to show our faith in You, and rest in You, and allow our storehouses to be depleted as we live off of all the abundance and excess that You have provided us in years past.  

God, I have often marveled at the idea of the year of jubilee. I have often asked, "How can we get one of those?"

We live in a world of go, go, go, and busy-ness and excess and distractions. But now, God, now that has been stripped from many of us and we feel anxious and baffled and lost.

So, God, my prayer is for us to settle into our jubilee. My prayer is that we will see Your steadfast love and provision as we are required to "be still". Today, I turn off my TV and I turn to Your Book and I look for You and wonder at Your amazing character.

As I have learned, Father God, the year of jubilee was a time to celebrate and reclaim our personal liberty in the freedom we have found from our sinful character. We look to You and ask You to dig out our sinfulness and restore our hearts anew with the fruits of the Spirit.

I also have learned that the year of jubilee was a time to restore true prices on property. Oh, God, how we need this in our world. In particular I know we need more affordable housing in our very city and surrounding cities. Perhaps this is Your appointing for how this will be done. I do not know the answers, but suddenly I see some clarity in the "reset". Because, what is OUR property? Does it not all come from You?

Finally, I see how the year of jubilee is a time to live the simple life. I'm starting to value things that I never held of value before. I'm saving that little bit of soap left in the bottom of the container. I'm snacking less because I don't know how long to make it last. I'm reusing the tin foil that I cover baking dishes with. God, I will praise You in this time of questions and uncertainty for I know You work ALL things for the good of those who love You. Romans 8:28

God, do all things line up and point to this quarantine as being the year of jubilee? Probably not. But is this where You are turning my eyes today? Yes. You have reminded me through song, and Word that at a point in time in our world's history, they took an ENTIRE YEAR off from sowing and reaping to REST in You.

Would this have been our choice had we not been forced into this? No. Did any of us see it coming and were we all prepared? No. Let us learn from this. Let us see that our security lies not in our cars, nor our homes, nor our money. We have no guarantees in this life. No one true thing other than You, God.

Have mercy on us today. May today be another giant LEAP forward in the solution to this crisis. Give wisdom and strength to those serving in our medical, scientific, political and emergency-driven industries. We need these people strong and healthy and wise and level-headed, and we need Your healing and provision.

In the Name of Jesus, I pray. Amen

They Weren't My Words Anyway

The grass withers and the flowers fall, 

but the word of our God endures forever.

Isaiah 40:8 NIV

As I reflect on how little I write these days, and how often I used to write, I miss being able to go back and read some of the stories and narratives that once I put onto this little digital thing called the internet.

You see, I once did a lot of guest blogging for a special needs ministry blog. And often, I would connect my stories to my personal blog here because they were our stories; the stories of my family, and how our faith grew or was shaped through our journey.

I never kept hard copies of what I wrote because to me, "it would always be on the internet."

Now, however, my personal blog here has a number of posts that are from those "guest blogging days" and give you a taste of what my post was about, but then contain a link that goes NOWHERE. Literally, it takes you to a FORBIDDEN page.

I felt quite melancholy when I realized this. My stories were gone. None of them have "an end." It's as if you start a tv show and only get 1/3 of the way through every single episode!

But God quickly put my feelings in check. He reminded me that everything around us is temporary and that it all belongs TO HIM.

Every sunrise, every stream, every mountain.
Every heartbreak, every fever, every tear.
Every word, every breath, every step. 

If it were God's will for those words I wrote to still be found, He would make them findable. If God has a new story He wants me to tell, He will have me write it. If God meant for those stories I typed to be for one special period in time, then that is where they are and that is where they'll stay.

Because, as much as I'd like to claim ownership of those words and rights to those stories, the fact of the matter is, they weren't my words anyway.  They belonged to God. 

Long lay the world...Until

So, I was pretty much a blubbering mess today during worship (thankfully I was in the congregation and NOT up on the stage). I wanted to share just what was so special about our worship today that it caused me to weep more than sing.

It started with “Oh, Holy Night.” The words: Long lay the world in sin and error pining, ‘til He appeared and the soul felt its worth struck me today as never before. Having just completed an in depth study of Hosea and Amos, LONG LAY THE WORLD became suddenly ALIVE to me. In Hosea 10: 13-15, for example, we read:

You have plowed wickedness, you have reaped injustice,

You have eaten the fruit of lies, 

Because you have trusted in your way, in your numerous warriors, 

Therefore a tumult will arise among your people, 

And all your fortresses will be destroyed, 

As Shalman destroyed Beth-arbel on the day of battle, 

When mothers were dashed in pieces with their children,

Thus it will be done to you at Bethel because of your great wickedness. 

At dawn the king of Israel will be completely cut off. 

(emphasis added by me).

Humanity was hopeless...Israel was worshipping idols in God’s sacred temples, they were sacrificing their own children to Baal, they were making alliances and paying off other leaders in order to try to keep themselves safe. What is even more astounding is that a close reading of these years of kings and prophets reminds us that we are not so different than that old Israel.

God said, “Because of your great wickedness...you will be completely cut off.”

And thus begins, “Long lay the world in sin and error pining, UNTIL HE APPEARS!!!”

Yes, the long-awaited, long-hoped for MESSIAH. The only one who can make us, in our sinful, self-serving humanity, WORTHY of an inheritance in the kingdom of God.

So, this is how I came to feel a little emotional during worship. Then the bottom fell out of my tenuous control of my tears when we reached the closing song and it was a medley of “O Come, O Come, Emmanuel” and “Tremble”????!!!!

That’s it. I’m done. Are you kidding me? Can.not.stop.the.tears.

Because here’s where Israel was headed, and where we all are headed without God:

I saw the Lord standing beside the altar, and He said, 

“Smite the capitals so that the thresholds will shake, 

And break them on the heads of them all! 

Then I will slay the rest of them with the sword; 

They will not have a fugitive who will flee, 

Or a refugee who will escape. 

Amos 9: 1 NASB 

But here’s where the appearance of Jesus takes us:

O come, Thou Rod of Jesse, free 

Thine own from Satan's tyranny 

From depths of hell Thy people save 

And give them victory o'er the grave.

O come, O come, Emmanuel lyrics 

We were the enemy. We were “without an escape.” Until the Son of God appeared (O Come, O Come, Emmanuel). Til He appeared, and the soul felt its worth (O, Holy Night.).


Now THAT is reason to rejoice.

This Sunday Morning.

Pixabay Image

They struggled to put some socks on her feet, 

Their own hands cold, their own hearts weak, 

I knelt to help, not knowing how, 

But moved by the gesture I saw just now. 

In her face I glimpsed a familiar kind, 

Like a grandma from a long-past time, 

She wanted to talk, had stories to tell,

She was all alone and her health wasn't well.

I'm lost in her stories and wish I could stay,

How do I turn now and walk away?

Go back to my home where I'm fed and warm,

Praying for God to shield her from harm? 

Be with her, God, do not hide Your face...

For the Son of Man to rest had no place,

We wait on You, LORD, and know we will see,

A day for Your justice when we all fall for thee. 

The Word Woven into the Code

Evie interlining her Braille assignment.

Just last weekend I attended a breakout session at my church for volunteers to help re-fuel us and our "servant-hearts". During the break out session, I learned about the impact the translation of the Bible into English had on literacy rates. According to the Washington Times: 

...in a period of 100 years reading and writing English among males in England went from about 5 percent of the population to 25% eventually reaching 40% of the population. By 1770, shopkeepers were 95% literate. Literacy in England is directly attributable to the Bible. (Creason, Washington Times, 12/11/14).

My Oversized Poster of Strong Groupsigns

Scripture certainly does give us something worth reading, and at that time it may have been some of the ONLY stuff to read. Now we are bombarded with all kinds of leisure reading options, some worthy and others not...but the Bible, unfortunately finds itself all too often resting on a lonely shelf collecting dust and cobwebs.

Fast forward a few days to today, and my daughter and I working on her Braille lesson. She was brailling Psalm 27: 1-2 which is part of our scripture memorization. As she was doing this, she recognized that she was making mistakes and wanted to fix them. I told her to just keep going and that she could interline her work (print the translation above the brailled symbols) after she was finished, and then we would make corrections the next day.

While she was working on her Braille, I was also working on mine. I was using large paper to create giant posters with CONTRACTED Braille on them so we could continue learning where she left off last year. (She was in public school, but we started homeschooling just this fall). As I was preparing a poster and reading through the various contractions, I started to take note of some unique words that I had no IDEA would be a part of the contracted Braille code.

lord

spirit

world

rejoice

rejoicing

character

ought

knowledge

shall

thyself

Of all the words that could have been transferred into a shortened code in order to make Braille easier to read for its audience...these were worthy enough to be part of that pool.

These beautifully Biblical words were suddenly a part of our lesson plan. 

Evie's Braille assignment with interlining notes,
corrections she made, and new contractions for her to work on
as she continues to practice brailling Psalm 27: 1-2

I was flabbergasted...I was moved almost to a point of tears as I felt relief wash over me. One of the toughest parts of the decision to homeschool my daughter was knowing that we were not going to have access to Braille lessons in the district anymore and I would be responsible for continuing her Braille literacy. I didn't know quite where to begin-but something in my gut today said, "Tammie, just have her start with something she knows...her memory verses."

We will begin to learn those contractions because they will occur over and over again in the scripture that we will be proclaiming in thought, word, deed...and now in Braille. For sure, God's plan is always better than my plan, and His word is a light unto my path.

For the word of God is alive and active...

Hebrews 4:12 NIV

Mom, I Got This...

Evie and I before we left for the NOT Back to School Pool Party

I carefully read the sign...then I RE-read the sign.

Slide Rules: No lap sitting, even for small children. Single rider only.

SINGLE RIDER ONLY?

"Evie," I said, "We can't go down together. The sign says you have to go alone."

My heart sank. I knew she loved water slides...we spent so many fun days at Noah's Ark in Wisconsin Dells when we lived near there. But, I couldn't think of the last time she had been on a water slide where you don't have a raft around you, and I wasn't sure that she wouldn't panic and get an arm or leg caught inside the tube. All of the dangers of this came rushing to the front of my mind like a tragic news story on 20/20.

Jeff snapped this photo of us in the car before we left. 

Good Evening, I'm Barbara Walters and this is Hugh Downs. We begin tonight with a tragic story of a blind girl who broke several limbs when she was stuck in a waterslide in Northern Nevada. Her negligent mother spoke to us earlier today...

"So..." Evie began, "Yes, I want to go."

"You want to go on the waterslide?" I repeat after her to clarify her intention.

"Yes. I-I-I got this, Mom."

"Honey, I can't go down with you. Do you know how to cross your arms and slide down? You have to go feet first?"

My blood pressure begins to rise, I start to sweat and I hear a buzzing in my ears. Even scarier than her potential disappointment is, apparently to me, her desire to do this INDEPENDENTLY!

"Yes, mom," Evie says, "I can do this. O-o-n my own." Her regular stutter is incredibly subdued when she is being assertive with me...good for her!

I grab a life jacket off the wall and fasten the straps around her. She looks like my little girl going in the kiddie pool with her goggles and wet hair, and yet she isn't that little girl anymore. She's going to go on this big, gigantic, looping, swooping, water-rushing water slide all by herself.

I proceed to follow her up the stairs to where the lifeguards are loading the children (and some adults) into the watery SHOOTS OF DOOM (as they appear now in my mind).

Somehow the lifeguard now looks like Santa Claus in The Christmas Story when Ralphie is clutching the slide and desperately pleading for his Red Rider BB Gun...I picture the lifeguard's flip flop pushing on Evie's forehead to get her to release her grip and plunge to her liquidy fate.

I think of all the things I'll say to the lifeguard...she's blind, I need to be down there to catch her, so don't let her come down before you see me in the pool, you'll want to repeat the safety rules to her...

"Mom, leave, please...I-I got this."

I snap back from my terrifying train of thought. "What? You want me to go now? You don't want me to talk to the lifeguard?"

"No, go. Mom, I got this..."

Okay. I need to let go here. I know I need to, but it is so hard. This is where my fear and my faith collide.

"I'll be right down there when you come out of the slide. Okay? And if you change your mind, just come carefully down the stairs."

I head back down the stairs and head over to the pool where the water is rushing out and little bodies sporadically come shooting out of the tubes. I see Evie approach the lifeguard through a foggy window upstairs and she talks to him and in the blink of an eye she is one of the bodies that projectiles into the raging waters of the pool.

She did it! 

As she fights to stand up, she doesn't look too happy. She's almost stunned! I'm laughing and I say, "Honey, you did it! Wow, was that fun?"

She looks around and tries to gather herself and figure out where she is. Then she looks at me and says, "Oh! Oh! I did it! Yeah, that was fun! I'm going to go on the big one now!"

Evie proceeded to go on the bigger slide with me catching her at the end, and then she even went two more times WITHOUT me waiting for her in the pool. Just doing it all on her own. I even allowed myself to stay busy talking to another mom while watching for Evie out of the corner of my eye.

Who knew that the four sweetest words I would hear yesterday were, "Mom, I got this"?

My Prayer at the Beginning of 9th Grade

As I sit here tonight with Evie's last day of school tomorrow, I feel relief, I feel sadness, I feel excitement, I feel nervousness...

I turn in my prayer journal to August 3rd...a day when my fears for Evie's start of high school were overwhelming to me, and I reflect on how this prayer carried me through a challenging, rewarding, nerve-wracking and unexpected year.

Jehovah Nissi~the Lord is our Banner~this is my battle cry as we begin a new school year. 

Lord, I ask you to go before us as parents and prepare our way for an exciting, enlightening, safe and growing year. I pray that you place protection around our children from any dark earthly and un-earthly forces that may try to surround them. I pray that You cover them with the saving blood of the Lamb-that they will be confident as Your children.

Lord, I ask that Your Spirit makes me the kind of parent you want me to be: patient, slow to anger, present, faithful, tender. I pray that I will not be wasteful with my time-that I won't look for ways to escape stress other than prayer time with You-not facebook, instagram nor TV. You give me the truth. Everything else is worldly lies. 

As my "banner," Lord, I pray You guide me when battles arise concerning my child this year. I pray that I am gracious, fair, and that you give me the right words to confront those who may be my adversary at the time. Help me to remember that our earthly view is SCARCITY-but You give us life ABUNDANT, and the world cannot take that from us. I never have to fly off the handle in anger because of "not enough." 

Bless the teachers and students. Keep our schools healthy. Multiply the space in our schools to help them not feel so crowded. Multiply the resources of books, supplies, power, clear air, food, water...provide an abundance of these things that will help our children succeed, grow, and learn. 

Father God, You are the author of this school year and even before the first bell rings, I give You glory and praise. I knowYou are with us, and that You love us and You have commanded us to be unafraid, because we are Your children. Praise you, Jehovah Nissi. 

Amen

And tonight I add:

God, thank You for this school year...for how we've grown, for the people we've met, for the challenges we've faced and for how they have led us to a knew place~they have changed our trajectory, they have changed our hearts, and they have reminded us that we must press into You when we don't have enough strength to carry ourselves. We look forward to the summer ahead and our new journey with home school next fall. Amen. 

Many are the plans...

Many are the plans in a man's heart, 

but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails. 

Proverbs 19:21

We are definitely in a state of transition in my home. With the excitement of summer break approaching, the joy of launching into homeschooling next fall, and the few days that I have left to work this school year, I just feel like none of it can come fast enough.

But God continues to remind me that I need to stop looking so far ahead. There is treasure in TODAY. I may be feeling frustrated with the behaviors of students at school, or I may be anxious about Evie's finals, or I may be wishing that we already had her grades wrapped up and I could file our Notice of Intent to Homeschool paperwork...but God nudged me today in my quiet time with Him and reminded me that I have a bunch of plans in my heart...but He has plans of His own and His plan comes first. 

I cannot miss what He is doing TODAY just because I'm so excited about what our plans are for the next few months. 

I must not run ahead of Him or else I am choosing to run away from Him, because He stands here...right here, TODAY. 

Many are MY plans, Lord...but Your purpose prevails. Amen.

The Pile

A rare photo of my table completely cleared of its usual piles...except for the cat.

I can't shake it. It's always there. Every day, every week, every season of the year...

There's a pile on my dining room table.

The contents of the pile change periodically. But they always indicate a current "focus" of my life.

It might be a pile of Christmas cards with envelopes to address, or it might be the pile of thank-you cards that quickly follow behind.

I just emptied the table of the pile of tax forms only to be replaced by the highly anticipated "intent to homeschool" paperwork.

Sometimes the piles bring sadness, like when I have to fill out documents demonstrating our life with rare disease. But woven into those same sad piles are the jubilation of saying: "Oh my goodness, look how far we have come."

There are a multitude of random school supplies within the piles. Three-ring binders hold my Bible studies and prayer journals, post-it notes contain scribbles of assembly and senate bills that I am following, 3 or 5 subject notebooks with sections for blogging-for planning-for checklists, and pens and pencils that inevitably leap out of our junk drawer and make a home on the table...they represent the stock-piling of years of school supplies being purchased that we never really used because Evie's school supply list was different than the other kids.

I have to shift the piles to an alternate location when we have guests, and I usually re-evaluate my piling compulsion each time that happens. But, I've grown accustomed to it, and realize now that it's not a sign of incompetence or laziness-this is my filing system, this is how I get things done, this IS how I "do what I do."

Do YOU have piles in your life? Do they help you or hinder you? 

I Despise that Word...

Our girl DJing with Jeff on the K-Love Afternoon Show

***Be advised that this post contains spoilers for both the book and movie referenced within***

I was pleasantly surprised when my Washoe County Library suggested Flowers for Algernon (Daniel Keyes, 1958) for me on my Overdrive app. I thought it would be a "blast from the past." Originally, I read "the book" in an abridged version in 8th grade. I didn't realize it was abridged until I checked out the book 15 days ago and started reading it again for the first time since 1988.

I recalled the story as being similar to the movie Awakenings (1990), with Robert De Niro and Robin Williams. In both plots we find a man who has intellectual delays and is chosen for an experiment to increase his intelligence. I recalled both stories also resulted in success of the experiment for a brief time, but also coming to a tragic end as you watch the protagonist regress back into his original pre-experiment state.

Fast forward to my current life...I have a child with special needs which include blindness,  and intellectual delays. I have been through numerous trainings on self-determination and advocacy for those with disabilities. I am also keenly aware that there are some people in our lives...in our communities...in our world, who still believe those with a lower IQ are not actually human beings with thoughts, feelings, or rights.

Flowers for Algernon has given me the perfect narrative for why I despise the word "retarded" (I would love to from here on refer to it as "the R word" but I know I had to spell it out in order for those who read this to be on the same page with me.)

You see, people use the word ALL THE TIME to describe things that are weird, bad, messed up, or displeasing. It is NEVER used in a positive manner. NEVER. People also like to use it as a hybrid of words to accuse or lash out at others "f*@K-tard" or "beau-*@rd" are often references I see used on social media. Again, the word is being used to hurt, to assault, to harm. I was even disappointed when I read the book Wonder and saw that the protagonist in that story who had a physical deformity was concerned with convincing others that he wasn't "re*@#ded." He was hurt by being called THAT word and wanted to ensure that people knew he did NOT have an intellectual disability.

Not so long ago, a person like my beautiful daughter would have been put into an institution for being diagnosed as the "R" word. It was a CLINICAL diagnosis. It was a medical term. It was a condition which brought shame, fear, and the certainty of a life shut away from society. In Flowers for Algernon, as Charlie gains his intelligence and recalls memories from his childhood, he starts to realize that he was never actually seen as a human being. The doctors who helped "make him" claimed that he wasn't a human being until they made him so, until they increased his intelligence.

When Charlie realizes that he's regressing, and he begins to understand where this decline is leading, he asks to go to the institution where he will be placed once he no longer has his higher IQ. And this is what Charlie writes in his journal:

As I drove out of Warren, I didn't know what to think. The feeling of cold grayness was everywhere around me--a sense of resignation. There had been no talk of rehabilitation, of cure, of someday sending these people out into the world again. No one had spoken of hope. The feeling was of living death--or worse, of never having been fully alive and knowing. Souls withered from the beginning, and doomed to stare into the time and space of every day. (Keyes, 1958)

So, why do I despise the "R" word so much? 

Because the "R" word is a remnant of a time in our history when it was okay to send off those with intellectual disabilities to wither away in a facility so none of us had to watch.

I despise the "R" word because it is an unfortunate representation of our current life, when people who have disabilities are viewed as "less," as "flawed," as a mistake. Somehow, we still live in an age when we think it's justified and within OUR rights to end a pregnancy because we think the baby might be born with a disability. We still live in a time where we pick on the kids with special needs in school because we need SOMEONE to pick on, and they won't really understand that we are making fun of them anyway.

I despise the "R" word because, even when you say, "but I would never describe your daughter that way" you are still describing SOMETHING that way...and it's never a kind description, it's always a description of loathing.

I must admit, I haven't enjoyed this little stroll down memory lane the way I thought I was going to. It has been a painful read for me, and I understand now why we read the abridged version in 1988...but I don't think it was a "coincidence" that I had this book suggested to me at this time. I had some things I needed to say, and I guess this gave me a launchpad for doing so. 

Cracked

Temple-dwelling God,

Once so distant and remote,

CRACK! Now Holy Ghost.

Written in response to The Write Prompt 

Hark! My Christmas Letter

Photo Courtesy of Sarah Whelchel

By now our family Christmas cards are reaching their addressed destinations, and, for another year I found myself unable to write a Christmas letter that sat well enough in my heart to be included.

What did I write about before?
Why can't I bring myself to write something which sums up our year and shares our lives?
How can someone who has so much to say (LOL) find no way to say it?

In recent years, when I try to compose such a letter, the words feel trite, or boastful, or redundant. So, I just stopped sending letters, and resolved to send a photo card with a Christmas greeting in hopes that it would be enough.

But today, I found myself filled with a message that I needed to share. The message started with a few lines in a very well known Christmas Carol, "Hark!" the Herald Angels Sing:

Mild he lays his glory by,
Born that man no more may die:
Born to raise the sons of earth,
Born to give them second birth.
Hark! the herald angels sing,
"Glory to the new-born King !"

In the form of an infant...helpless...exposed; the God of our Creation laid aside His due glory and came to earth. 

He came so that He could die...so that WE no longer would have to suffer that same type of death...

He came for US, the sons of earth...He, the one true GOD, came so that we may be born again in his SPIRIT. 

He came so that we could be free from our bondage to sin over and over an over again...He came so we could be made holy and have a close, personal relationship with Him. 

Hark! Listen! PAY ATTENTION!     

YOU  DO   NOT WANT TO MISS THIS.

In the Old Testament, God resided in one place...the Holy of Holies ... and ONLY the most High Priest could even approach Him! But NOW...because of Christmas, because of Easter...because of BIRTH, DEATH, RESURRECTION and ASCENSION... we have GOD with us every minute of every day...COMPLETELY accessible as a HOLY GHOST. 

AMAZING...He is always with us.

SCARY...He is always with us. 

OVERWHELMING...He is always with us. 

So, THIS is my Christmas letter...because what WE did this year is nothing compared to what HE did this year.

Oh, how He loves us.

Merry Christmas!!!